Dont Blame Me

Chapter 27

"I still hate you," I mumble, and the lie tastes chalky on my tongue. "But I want you to lay down with me, Lisa."

I peel back the covers, indicating for her to get in. It takes tremendous effort to look away from her as she kicks off her boots and climbs in next to me. She makes it a point to stay on top of the duvet, part of me resenting her a little for that. I'm nervous. Up until now, every encounter Lisa and I have had was forced upon me. And now that I've made the decision for her to be here, I don't know what to do.

"Why were you on my balcony?" I blurt. She chuckles, facing me and urging me to do the same. Stiffly, I roll to my side and try not to faint from the intensity of this woman.

"I wanted to watch you," she confesses. And then she tacks on with dry amusement, "In peace."

I snort. "So sorry for being so disruptive to your stalking. Next time I'll strike a couple poses for you."

I'll never admit how her answer gives me chills. Both ice cold and fiery hot. She smirks, and it makes me sad that it doesn't reach her eyes.

"I'd appreciate that," she murmurs distractedly. Her eyes are tracing my curves like they're scripture, and she's a sinner that is searching for proof of a God that she no longer can hear.

"You need space from me while wanting to be close. Sounds like a marriage," I deadpan.

"It will be."

It's instinct to deny that. I still want to and do so in my head. But I don't give voice to it. Not tonight, I won't.
So, I swallow the words and let her dream.

We fall into silence, but it's weighed with sadness, guilt, and anger. She's swarming in the emotions like a beekeeper holding a nest. I'm getting stung by it, and it's making my skin burn.

"Kiss me," I whisper. If it could only ease the burn in both of us. She stills, and my bravery is slipping, so I lean forward and make a move instead.
I capture her lips within my own, relishing over the different type of burn that blooms from our connected lips. She doesn't hesitate to kiss me back, but it's slow. While it's no less intense, it lacks her usual ferocity.
And that's something I didn't realize how much I've missed until now. Getting nearly desperate, I nip at her bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth. Her hands grip my waist in a tight hold, and for a moment, I think she almost pushes me away. But then she breaks, her resolve shattering, and finally-finally-she feasts on my lips. Tasting me like she's licking ice cream out of a cone. My hands dive into her hair, exploring the soft strands as her own bless my body with the same honor, slipping beneath the duvet and roaming my curves. Her tongue battles against mine, creating a tornado of passion and a million pent-up emotions. The duvet feels heavy and suffocating on my body, but when I try to wriggle loose, Lisa traps me further. I yank away from her, and she follows, making escape futile when her lips are impossible to deny.

"Let me out," I gasp between a nip of her teeth.

"We're not taking it past this, Rosie," she declares with finality. "Why?" I breathe, and the logical part of me rallies against the stupid question. I should be relieved.

"Because the first time I fuck you, I want you to have all of me. Not just bits and pieces." She takes a breath. "I'm not whole right now. And I can't worship you when all I see is her."

Reaching up, I trace her scar, and a breath shudders out of her in response.

"Okay," I whisper. I get it. She's suffering right now, and I'm only a temporary distraction. It doesn't bother me when I know the girl occupying her mind is a little girl that is now dead. A death she blames herself for.

"I'm sorry, you're right. But I just want you to know that it's not your fault. The what ifs will plague you as long as you let them, Lisa. But you need to remember all the girls that you did save. Don't forget to remember them, too."