Second Chances

Well, hello there

Today is just like any other day, meaning spent with my son Felix. I'm awoken by his babbles and I smile softly as I turn over to face his crib. He sits up and stares back at me, mumbling incoherent sentences. I glance at the clock to see it's 6am and my head falls back to the pillow. "You're up and at 'em early, huh?" I yawn, stretching my limbs as I prepare to get up and face the day.

The little boy continues to try talking and I reply as though I understand what he means. "Really? That's so silly" I reply to him as he giggles softly. I pick him up with a soft grunt then place him on my hip, balancing him there to grab his paci. I clip it back to his onesie and quickly check his diaper seeing he's perfectly dry. "Look at you! Such a good boy" I boop his nose and his hands move with excitement.

I take us to the kitchen and set him in the high chair, making sure to secure him. "Are you feeling pancakes or just fruit?" I ask him and he tilts his head curiously, attempting to answer me. I grab the pancake mix and then stop to the fridge for the container of fruit. I hold them both up to him, bending down to put my face between them.

"Pancake... or... fruit" I say slowly as I raise them according to name. His hand juts out to hit the plastic box and I smile in victory. "Fruit it is, little man" I turn back to the kitchen and hook my phone up to the speaker. '505' by Arctic Monkeys begins to play and I move my hips as I begin to cut up the fruit. I know most people play their kids Mozart or something smart like that but I think Felix quite enjoys the music I listen to.

I glance over at him every so often and he just plays with the little table in front of him. I stop for a second and grab a few of his toys from a box in the living room. "Here you go, buddy. Something to keep you entertained" I smile and he makes a little happy noise before grabbing the dog with different sensory attachments.

I listen to it crinkle and the little bell attached jingles as he squeezes and shakes it. I grin at his cuteness and quickly wash my hands before going back to the fruit. Once it's cut up in pretty small pieces, I return to his side and sit down. "You ready to eat?" I ask as I pull out his paci and lift up the plastic fork with a bit of watermelon on it.

I always like him to try it before I put it on the table, just to be sure he won't push it onto the floor. He looks happy with it so I place the bowl in front of him, putting a bib around his neck and I also move the toys. As he eats, I make myself pancakes and hum along to 'Would That I' by Hozier. It takes me no time to fix it up since I only make a few.

In no time we're both done with our food and I clean up his face. "You did so good, baby. You finished all of it, look" I clap softly and he copies my actions. I clean the few dishes that accumulated and then take him out the chair into the living room. He plays and watches Bluey while I work on my laptop, checking for him every so often.

The time goes by quickly and we have to leave soon for his doctor's appointment. "Alright, I think someone needs a change before we go" I grimace a bit and he laughs as if to say 'poor you' and I shake my head at that thought. I clean him up, securing his new diaper and packing the go bag.

Once I've double checked we have everything, I get us in the car and we're on our way. Felix is a pretty calm baby I'm actually very lucky. He doesn't cry much and when he does it's quite easy to soothe him. I figured out the first week that skin-to-skin contact is the best when he's really distressed and ever since I caught onto that he's been a gem. I have to say that he is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

Before long we're arriving outside the office and soon after walking inside. I sign us in and sit, lightly bouncing with him in the baby carrier strapped to my chest. He gets a bit restless after a while but I just brush my nose against his and he settles down. "Felix Howard" I stand up and smile at the nurse as everything but whatever her next words were swims in my mind.

Anytime I hear that name, something stirs in me. I can't quite place the feeling but his last name does bring back lots of memories. I lay him down on the scale to weigh him and when we get to the room I take off the harness, allowing him to sit between my legs on the bed. I look around at the painting on the walls as we wait, smiling at the fish and sea.

"You see that? Those are fish. Can you say fish?" I say excitedly, "fffphhhh" he ends up blowing a raspberry making us both laugh. I hear a knock and let them know it's ok to come in. "Hi, I'm nurse Ratched" she closes the door and extends her hand, the other holding a clip board. I stare at her for a bit before taking her hand in mine to shake it.

She's gorgeous. "And you must Felix. What a beautiful boy!" She gently pokes his stomach and he reaches out for her. Her finger is grasped between his own and she shakes it a little making him laugh. "Sorry. I'm Felicity, and well... you know Felix" I giggle nervously and she nods as she takes a seat on the small stool. She rolls over to be in front of us and starts asking me various routine questions as she checks his heart and lungs.

"Anything out of the ordinary? Rashes, cough, excessive distress..." she asks but I'm too busy staring at her hair to answer. "Ms.Howard?" I shake my head softly, "oh no, Felicity is fine and uhh no—no nothing like that" I reply in a daze. "Your hair is beautiful" I say and she blushes a bit, "thank you" she chuckles. She proceeds with her questions and I do my best to pay attention this time.

I bounce my leg lightly as I hold him up with one hand, gently rubbing circles on his back with the other as she speaks. I look down to see him smiling goofily at her and she must notice too as she starts to chuckle. "Gosh aren't you just a cutie! You seem so happy, you're a smiley one, aren't you?" I smile even bigger than him at her words, I think.

"But like I was saying, he's growing perfectly so no need for any changes; just keep doing what you're doing. You're raising quite the healthy little one and such a sweetheart too" she makes a funny face at him and he laughs so loud his little body shakes. I bite my lip in adoration for him but I also find myself being enamored with the redhead in front of me.

It's been a while since I've been attracted to anyone or even searched for anything of the sort. Dating with a baby this small isn't the easiest; not only because it seems to be a deterrent but I also just don't like to leave him for long periods of time. "Well, unless you have any other questions, I think that's all for today" she sighs, "nope I think we're good. Right, Feli?" He babbles in response and we both laugh.

I secure the harness once more for the trip back to the car and the redhead lingers as I do so. "Right. Have a good day" she says as I'm going to pass her to open the door. "You too... Mildred" I say as I read her badge to which she smiles softly, nodding her head and gesturing with an open arm for me to pass. As I head back home I can't wipe the smile off my face, my cheeks hurting from all the feels.

I think I'm finally getting my groove back...