Blissful Bite ─ Venti x reader

19. ; MESSED UP REALIZATION

I stormed out of the infirmary while my vision was a veil of tears cooling my icy cheeks even colder than before. I shielded my sight with my arms, rubbing them away. It was nothing, after all. Nothing, but a silly and crazy h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶b̶r̶e̶a̶k̶—trust breaking matter.

I continued to walk with a faster pace, one that went out of my control to the extent that I ran and bumped into someone forcefully—"fuck, ow" I hissed. The back I ran into was solid and firm. I rubbed my itritated nose, looking up, to let my gaze meet with that of the moody redhead himself—Diluc.

Oh yes, I was royally screwed if Venti actually talked about it.

I panicked internally, my thoughts raced from one corner to the next one, the speed at which they conquered my mind and flooded it—was too fast. My pulse was in my ears, leaving a thunder back in them.

"Are you alright?" he asked, cocking a brow up. His frown, the way it painted over his face irked me. I felt a strong sense of wanting to back off, move away, and disappear with the help of my own two feet, but no avail, I hesitated. I never moved and stood there rooted into the ground. It was already too late.

"What happened? Need a sip of fruit juice?" he asked, crossing his arms. I sighed and nodded. He couldn't possibly know what I knew. Blending in was better with all the experience I collected over the past months.

He sat down beside me. "You know, sometimes life can be screwed, judging from your expression, it screwed with you a few times to many?" he shot me a sideway look, I sighed and pressed my hands together. The imaginery lump in my throat seemed to become more real with each second.

I didn't expect this, I could've solved this right away perhaps if I were smarter, taking a mirror with me perhaps, avoid the mess, but then again, my thinking was flawed as was my plan. The obsession with becoming beyond efficient led me to growing affection towards a certain demonic character, the relationships shouldn't have built, and the self-image I have screwed over.

I could no way in any universe tell Diluc, the man I was most certain of to be the thing I swore to imprison and punish—about everything that went on in my mind. My envoirement grew louder and rang, the sounds wouldn't leave, and it seemed blurry. When I blinked and turned back to my hands, the subtle shaking of them wasn't able to be denied. It must've been the anger that consumed me.

I looked into the horizon, and my gaze lingered there for a while, dripping into the dry silence.

"It's not that easy—" I started, but when I realized how it seemed to make no sense where I'd travel to with my thoughts, I stopped. I halted my mind and turned to Diluc.

He sighed, "I never said it was, but tell me."

"I'm hurt, I think." That was an underestimation, but I wasn't sure how much I could spill without him catching on. My shoulders slumped while I focused on the ground and the dust I rubbed into my shoe soles. "My logic and life are just a single mess, and I don't know how to keep any control. I hate this, and I need desperately something to hold onto to prevent myself from maddening in the hellhole of a world."

"Everyone is fucked up, you're not the first or last one to talk or feel like this, but you have to choose how to handle suffering, coping with something isn't necessarily easy, to take a first step towards something new—it'll never be, but your life is yours."

"That much.. is true." I sighed and looked over to him. "I feel however like I was blinded by irrational things instead of using my focus on my remaining own sanity."

"That's attachment and growing empathy, Y/n." he pointed out with an amused thin smile. I looked at him surprised, that much I had figured out too, and it was the problem I had, I became far too attached.

I didn't know why. My vision filled with water, a sight that blurred only further until the panic drowned me. They fled away from my eyes, running down in the contrast of the cold evening air.

He kept quiet and looked into the horizon, behind the wine garden, the green bushes and trees through which rifts the light projected.

He breathed quietly with me, I never asked him to, but he had taken a note of my hands shaking and shivering all along. The black spots in my vision intensified. He used his hand and signaled the long breathing turns as well as the short ones.

I felt the air return to my lungs.

"I don't think you're all that wrong." he said, "you seem to be pretty reliant despite working with my blind sighted brother."

"Oh?" I croaked up.

"Mhm," he said, "but don't let it get to your head like Kaeya would."

"Diluc?" I asked, looking at him. He nodded, turning his gaze to meet mine, his ruby eyes seemed softer than the usual hardened state he'd direct at me.

He was almost sympathetic.

"Thank you," I didn't know when all of this stopped, but my sobs disappeared too.

I held onto the rims of my shirt. "I appreciate the advice."

——✧･ﾟ: ★,｡･::･ﾟ☆
RAINEE's NOTE;
She actually had a slight physical panic attack, not anger related, but like I mentioned before I love using the unreliable narrator trope in this.

Also, sorry for actually not being able to upload this yesterday, I didn't have the energy to finish it so I met up with my friends and their friends. It was fun.

I also had a day longer weekend, and soon, I have a break again (in a month)