Won't Roux Be My Neighbor

Thirty, Flirty, and Icing

"Come on, Louise. You're turning thirty in a few days. I thought you would have grown out of this by now." Tina shuffled what sounded like menus flopping down on the counter. "Also, what did you want for your birthday? I have something in mind, but just to make sure that..."

Oh.

The rest of Tina's words faded into static, but not because of the decades-old restaurant phone.

Oh no.

Suddenly, being upside down was a terrible choice of seating as vertigo hit Louise all at once. She tried to maneuver her way up, slowly, while Tina still rambled off different gifts she considered but ultimately rejected and why.

Was that happening this week? Thirty??

Louise prided herself on her desire to age gracefully, even with excitement to one day reach Fischoeder-levels of elderly eccentricity, but the reality of thirty being so close...

She needed to get off the phone.

"Uh huh, yeah that all sounds great," Louise interrupted talk about a laser pointer that could be seen from space. "But I think I, uhh, hear the paperboy calling. I gotta go."

"The paperboy? They still have those?" Tina paused then huffed into the receiver. "And what would they be doing up on your floor?"

"They're pretty darn resilient this news cycle. Can't keep the kids down, so they just- they have to come up. You gotta respect the hustle."

"Heh, so you admit that you can see how kids could be fun. A little more pushing, and I bet you'll come around." Tina peppered her voice to sound sly. "It's been a while since I visited. Do you mind if I bring your favorite by later?"

"You can, but I don't have a favorite," Louise mumbled half-heartedly, muscle memory taking over as she repeated the line she gave Tina every time it was insinuated she preferred her niece to her nephew. "I click with Ava, but Griff and I have fun too."

"I'm kidding. Griffin and Zeke have plans already though, so it'll just be us girls. We'll see you later after you deal with that Tenacious PB. Get it? Like Tenacious D but with paperb-"

Louise hung up on her.

Her leg bounced restlessly, all the energy in the world but nowhere to put it.

Tapping and tapping against the plastic of her phone case, she deliberated doing the unthinkable.

"Dammit," she cursed under her breath.

She redownloaded FamilyCamily.

The first image to greet her was of Jessica and Maya, holding up a piece of paper with a simple edit of "It's official!" over a bunch of redacted information. Louise "bammed" it with a heart and reiterated Tina's congrats because of course she did. She wasn't a monster.

Already on the app, she reasoned, might as well see what other people were up to.

Turned out? A lot.

Harley promoted her craft store, her family gathered around her in a pop-up tent at some farmer's market.

Louise's friend from college recently celebrated his anniversary on a cruise ship to Jamaica.

Chloe posted a photo of the ribbon-cutting ceremony at her newly renovated department store, huge wedding ring on full display.

It felt like miles of scrolling through nothing but success, and if she clicked over to her own profile, she knew she would find it blank.

An electric whirring at the door broke her attention.