Cuddy x House oneshots

Marry me?

- You are absolutely insane.

Wilson was pacing around his office visibly frustrated.

- So, what do you say? Yes? No?

- No is what she will tell you when you ask her!

- Hey I only asked you out of curtesy, but there's always Chase - House said getting up from the couch - and Forman and, well, even Taub if I really must.

- No- House, sit down. I'm not gonna agree to be your best man for the wedding that won't even happen!

- Aw, Wilson - he said in a mocking gentle voice - Why always so pessimistic?

- House, listen to me. She is mad at you. Understand? Mad. Not happily in love, not ready for another one of your tricks-

- It's not a trick, Wilson. I am really asking her.

- After that screw up? Let me be clear - he motioned his hands as if he was explaining a very hard lesson to a very dull student - You do understand she will acknowledge that as another one of your stupid ways to apologize for something you did without actually apologizing?

- She might - House said nonchalantly - Then again, she may take me seriously.

- House, marriage is not something to joke about.

- Oh, funny you're the one to say.

Wilson sighed. Of course, House will never miss an opportunity to make a "you were divorced twice ha-ha" joke.

- Alright, you know what? Your life. Do what you want, as always. Just tell me one thing, how exactly do you plan to take her out on a nice dinner with her mother hanging onto Cuddy's neck after everything you told her?

- Easily - said House hopping up with the help of his cane - At home. With her mother present.

And in two steps he exited the office, leaving behind Wilson yelling out at the top of his lungs "You're a lunatic".

- Hello, beautiful sunshine. - he said slyly opening the door to Cuddy's office.

- Go away, House.

- Impossible. You drag me to yourself like a force filed. It is thou fault! - he exclaimed dramatically.

- House, I am not in the mood.

- Oh well that's just too bad-

- What do you want exactly? Embarrass me some more? Thank you for that, but yesterday's lunch was quite enough.

- Oh come on now, if I'm gonna be moving in together anytime soon I just thought we should be completely honest with your Mommy. - he made a puppy face while saying the last few words.

- Yeah? Well my mommy didn't need to know I was late picking up Rachel cause I slept with you! Or better yet, she didn't need to know you used to falsify prescriptions for Vicodin, went to both rehab and jail for pissing off a cop! Or on top of everything - that I lied in the courtroom just to set you free! If she didn't like my life before, she sure as hell won't be a fan of it now.

- Really? - he made an intriguing face - I thought you two always got along. How silly of me.

- Is this really what you're doing? Trying to fix everything with a couple of bad jokes? Not gonna work, House. I don't want you here. I'm busy.

- Alright, my ray of sunshine - he turned around in a swift motion batting his eyes at Cuddy - I'll see you tonight at dinner.

- Only because I'm forced to. - she snapped at him before he limped out of the office.