listen before i go, a.p

listen before i go

december 15, 1959. 7:00 AM

Todd struggled to get out of bed after he'd been dragged back inside by the others. He was still cold, freezing, even, which was bound to happen if you run out in snow and trip over your own feet more times than you could count. He wasn't crying anymore, he didn't know if he could, but his throat was still tight and his eyes were still red. His breaths were still heavy and his heart, his broken, shattered, tainted heart, was beating faster than it had with-

...Todd didn't want to think about him anymore.

Though he was all Todd could think about. His soft brown hair, his even softer brown eyes. His charming smile and charismatic attitude towards everything. Todd's eyes shifted toward his side of the room, hoping that maybe he could somehow see him there, laying in bed asleep. But of course, the bed was empty. All nice and tidy and made like how he'd left it that morning prior.

Todd's - now only Todd's - alarm clock suddenly starting going off, and he didn't move an inch to turn it off. It was oddly grounding, being the weight keeping him in reality and not off into his thoughts. Soon enough, though, someone barged in.

"Jesus, Anderson, turn it off." It was Charlie. He sounded irritated.

Charlie walked over to the desk and clicked it off. He walked over to the bed and crouched in front of Todd, so that they were face to face.

"Time to get up, don't want to be late for breakfast, now, do you?"

Todd didn't know how Charlie was so 'up-and-at-it'. He could tell, though, that he was hurting, but he didn't point it out. After a few moments of not moving, Charlie sighed and stood up.

"Alright," he mumbled. "Todd, please."

Todd closed his eyes for a second, took in a breath, and heaved himself up. For a few moments he just sat there, staring at the dark, hardwood floor. He remembered sitting on the floor next to him; laughing, joking around, telling each other stories, and their late night, intimate talks that contain secrets no one could ever know.

He lifted his head up and looked at the wall across from him. That was Neil's wall. Almost robotically, Todd turned his head towards Charlie, who stared at him sympathetically. It was almost just as hard for Charlie to get back up this morning, but at least he had Knox there with him, too. Todd didn't have anyone to be with him anymore. He was alone. Todd blinked a few times, rapidly, before finally standing up.

Though, almost immediately he stumbled, to which Charlie raced to his side.

"Easy now, Anderson," he said casually, even a hint of a laugh in his voice.

Todd glared at Charlie. He wished he could be a little more like him, easy-going even though he's more than likely falling apart at the seams. Although Todd was a little irritable at the moment - especially at Charlie - he was ever thankful for him, and honestly, gave props to him for being able to hold it together so well for others. He knew that's what Neil would've wanted from him - from all of them, so at least Charlie was pulling his weight.

"Get dressed, I'll be outside, okay?" He said softly, to which Todd nodded.

Charlie walked out the door as Todd solemnly started getting dressed. It was weird, not having Neil there chatting endlessly as they were getting ready for the day. It was all too quiet, even when Charlie spoke to him it was quiet. Before Neil, he would've loved it, he'd never been the type of person to enjoy being in loud environments, let alone chatty people. But now, after Neil (he didn't like to think of it as an after), he'd give anything to hear that giddy laugh, or listen to him go on and on about what happened at rehearsals. Todd thought about how he took Neil's voice, Neil's words, for granted. Oh, how he wished he could hear him again.