Read Between the Lines

Chapter 12: Just in case

"Fine," Anntonia said sharply. "I know so. I know what I want now, Michelle Dee. And honestly, I don't particularly like that I want it, but I do want it anyway. I see no reason why I need to make this more complicated than it is."

The grip of Michelle's hands tightened on Anntonia's waist and the latter immediately sucked a sharp breath.

"You made it pretty fucking complicated, you have to admit." Michelle said in a low tone as she looked at the matter deeply in the eyes.

Anntonia simply shrugged. Why was she the one being so flippant about this? Michelle admitted she'd been waiting for this since the moment she'd laid eyes on her. That she wanted her from day one. But she didn't understand why so suddenly, the girl was the one reluctant to pull the trigger and the one preaching recklessness.

"Now, it doesn't have to be," Anntonia said. "We kind of know how each other works, we know our likes, our pet peeves. Can we get to skip all the awkwardness?"

Michelle scoffed at what she heard. She found it hilarious because how could the girl think it's as easy as that? She took a step back, but still keeping her hands on her hips. She needed some space to think, but at the same time, she wasn't quite ready to let go of the girl. With Anntonia, you just never knew when she could bolt again. She needed her within reach to remind herself she was her to touch, at least for now.

"Yeah, like this isn't awkward already." She still laugh at the end and Anntonia rolled her eyes on her.

"You know what I mean, Michelle Dee. Ugghh! I don't have any idea how to do this... please don't make it hard for me."

"So do I, Ann. I never thought I'd be standing in this position. I too have no idea how to do this serious stuffs. All I know is, I don't want to lose you again."

The admission took Michelle by surprise, realizing she hadn't expected to care about that. She hadn't expected to want it to work so much and she had such a tendency to fuck everything up. But she do know she don't want to fuck this one up. She cared for Anntonia too much and, if she did mess it up, it's going to be her last straw and she'd lose her for good. As a friend too. She didn't want to lose her at all, not in any kind of way. God knows how much she wanted things to work.

Anntonia must have seen something swimming in her eyes, because her features softened and she rested her palms on her chest, just over heart and over her fears. Internally, she cursed at her thunderous heartbeat giving her away.

"I understand. I guess we'll just have to figure this out together," Ann whispered, her voice carrying soft caress. "We don't need to slap labels on it or rush. One step at a time, maybe?"

"Oh, thank God," Michelle mocked. "Because I'm afraid if you start introducing me to people as your girlfriend, I might just bolt out of sheer instinct."

It had clearly been the wrong thing to say, because she saw Anntonia's face fall as she bit her lower lip against the retort resting there. She did a double take and the girl biting back retorts. That was a rare sight. But the again, they were both in stranger waters, unsure how to act around each other now that everything's in the open and what was safe to say or not.

"Don't get me wrong," Michelle said as she gently cupped Anntonia's face, making her raise her eyes to meet hers. "This is exclusive alright. I swear, I don't need anyone else. We'll just have to take it slow, see what it is all. Like you said, one step at a time."

Anntonia nodded slowly, and smile a little like a child being explained a process that she was slowly making sense of.

"Okay. We can do that. It doesn't sound too complicated." She answered though her expression said otherwise. She looked as though she were trying to figure out a particularly complicated puzzle that wrecked her brain. She looked like she was gonna explode and Michelle couldn't hold her sigh. She was starting to wonder whether she was pushing her into this just because she really wanted her. Maybe at some point, she wasn't sure about this. About her. But she didn't peg Anntonia for someone who would be forced into something she didn't want, but maybe the mixed signals were getting to her. Maybe she was confusing caring for her as a friend for wanting something more. Because sometimes, feelings are more than black and white and the grey can often be mistaken for something that it's not.