Zodiac signs

The signs as old people

Aries: old lady who yells at the cashier because prices on fiber-enriched oatmeal have gone up Taurus: lady at church who sly-digs other women's cooking Gemini: weird old hippie lady who probably smokes weed Cancer: fat, happy grandpa who's way too into fishing Leo: grandpa who gives you money whenever you get good grades Virgo: grandma who follows her grandchildren around with a washcloth and a bottle of lysol Libra: really fashionable old lady who looks better than you do at 63 Scorpio: old man who sits on his front porch all day and glares at kids Sagittarius: grandma who travels a lot and has 4 cats Capricorn: stoic, quiet old man who visits the pharmacy every day at exactly 2 o'clock Aquarius: great-aunt who you've never met but sends you $200 dollars for your birthday every year Pisces: sweet, soft-spoken lady who loves everyone and is extremely adorable