Beneath the Surface

Where it all starts

As I'm eating my dinner with my family at the dining table I look up to see them staring at me, it feels like they are looking right through me. My parents have always kind off treated me differently ever since I got diagnosed with depression but ever since I got out of the psych ward two weeks ago the treatment has been worse than normal. To be honest I hate the way they look at me sometimes, it's like they don't see me as their kid but more as a problem that can't be fixed. My dad, Zach, wasn't really around a lot because he traveled for work so my mum, Lisa, was the one who had to do everything for me and my sister, Loretta, but after a while i think it just got to much for her so she turned to drinking as a way to cope. While my mum drank her pain away my sister had to step up and play both parts as a parent and look after me and my mum but after my mum became sober my sister started backing away from us all a little. I guess she became tired of doing everything for us and not getting anything in return which I understand but it feels like she is vanishing into thin air right in front of me and there isn't anything I can do to stop it.

"Jade, I talked to a therapist today for you to go and speak to. I think it would help to have a safe space where you can talk about your feelings." my mum says.

" I don't need a therapist i can just talk to you or dad when I'm feeling low" I reply.

" we have work most of the time and plus a therapist can just focus on you and you only."

I get that she's trying to help but I can't help but think that her work is more important than her own kids.

" but anyways are you excited for school tomorrow? its your first day back ever since you know... the accident"

she says accident instead of saying my suicide attempt because i guess it's easier for her that way.

"yes."

that was a lie.

"and are u excited to see your friends" my dad says.

" yes. I've already texted them"

that was another lie.

As we finish up food I go to run my self a bath and then get my cozy, fluffy pajamas on and get into bed trying to convince my self tomorrow will be a good day.