BLANK SLATE || the challenge: spies, lies, and allies

07 - kill my indulgences.

The atmosphere when they returned to the house was confusing. Roxanne was overjoyed that she kept her place in the game, but beyond pissed that she even had to fight for it in the first place. As much as she, for once, just wanted to lay down and pass out and not wake up until she absolutely had  to, she knew that not only did she have to keep her social game intact, but there were a lot of conversations that were better to happen now rather than later.

The first thing she did was take a damn shower. She needed it. She was sweaty, and hot, and physically exhausted  from what had just gone down in the Lair.  She also needed time to prepare herself, because she knew  the conversation with Josh would be a rough one.

Once she got out and got dressed, she decided it would be best to just get the conversation over with. She started to look for Josh, passing CT on her way. She didn't know what it was—the fact she was usually bad at hiding her expressions or the fact he just knew her really well—but he put his arm out to stop her for a second, leaning down to mumble to her, "Don't lose your shit."

"I won't." Roxanne nodded, and the two continued to go their separate ways. Eventually, she found him—and when they made eye contact, made a gesture for him to step outside with her. It was like he knew this was coming, sighing as they both leaned against the wall of the house. Roxanne raised her eyebrows at him.

"I'm not mad, Josh. I'm just disappointed."

Josh sighed. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough. Everything I said at the Lair. That's what I heard." Roxanne shook her head, shrugging. "Why,  man? Just why?"

"I was desperate to get Kelz out, Roxanne, and I got a little carried away, okay? I'm sorry."

As Josh continued to try and explain, whether it was bullshit or not, Roxanne couldn't help but roll her eyes, shrugging again. She knew sorry didn't fix things—this was something she would remember throughout the game. "Well. I will keep working with you and the vets because that alliance is so incredibly beneficial to both of our games. But I do not trust you. At all. This is something that..."

"I know. I'm sorry. It's not gonna happen again, alright?"

"It's okay," Roxanne sighed. "Thank you for being open."

— — — — — — —

"Wow." Roxanne raised her eyebrows. "He didn't cry. That's crazy. I expected him to be in tears. I'm still hurt, I hate this, I'm really upset, but I can't show it. It's a game of liars, y'know? And I just trust him as far as I can throw him. I can't."

— — — — — — —

She so desperately wanted to go to sleep, but as she walked around the backyard of the house to try and let herself back in, someone that caught her eye was Kyle. Of all people.

He waved her over, and, before anyone said anything, pulled her into a hug. That was when everything seemed to go for her—the emotion that she swore she would contain, she now found herself desperately trying to hold back. Strangely enough, she felt comfortable letting this out around him—she felt the same with CT, but this was... different. She almost felt like Kyle, in this moment, was her brother. It was strange—game-wise, they'd never worked that well together (in the few moments they had), but it was almost like there was an unspoken bond between the two, like the same one she had with Devin, but stronger.

Kyle didn't even say a word, rubbing her back and letting her let it out. He seemed to know exactly what she was thinking—and Roxanne wondered if she was that obvious, or if he just knew. Whatever it was, she was grateful. 

It took a second for her to calm down—this was so much emotion that she had been bottling up, that she was able to hide from everyone but, in the slightest, Devin. She laughed softly, looking at Kyle, who simply reached over and ruffled her head, messing up her hair. "You good?"

"Yeah, I think so. Thanks." Roxanne smiled, swatting his hand away. "I'm just..."

"Did he really say that stuff about you?"

"Yeah. I tried talking to him about it, but I just..." she sighed. "You can't get anything through to that guy. It's a nightmare." 

"But you know that it's not true, right?" Kyle raised his eyebrows, and Roxanne only shrugged. The look on his face turned to one of dead-seriousness—one that seemed to be rare on him—and he put a hand on her shoulder.  "Roxanne."

"Kyle."

"He's wrong. You've done this more than he has. How many finals have you made?"

"Three."

"And how many has he made?"

"...None."

"Exactly. You're smarter than he is. You're, dare I say, stronger than he is. You could play everybody  in this house and nobody would even notice. You're great at this game. From a strategic standpoint, one of the best in the house. And, hey, you don't cry every time someone breathes in your general direction." Kyle joked, holding both of his hands out as comfort, Roxanne taking them both. "Don't let that little weasel get to you. You're much better than five of him combined."

Roxanne laughed softly, nodding slightly. "Okay."

"I mean it, Roxy."

"I know," she smiled, squeezing his hands. "I got your back in this game, alright? Hundred percent."

"I got you, too. Ride or die."

"Ride or die." Roxanne smiled, letting go of his hands to give him another hug. "Love you, Kyle."

"Love you, too. You're gonna kick ass the next challenge, I mean, you and CT?"  he laughed. "Dangerous."

"Oh, I know."

— — — — — — —

"Kyle is an incredible person, an incredible friend, and... I really need someone besides CT who gives that support. In the few times in past seasons where we've worked together, it's absolutely gone up in flames, but he's someone I really need, not just from a social, strategic standpoint but from this, like, emotional standpoint. I know I had Devin, but... different feeling. Kyle's like my brother. And something like that can get us really, really far in the game."

— — — — — — —

The last conversation Roxanne had that day, besides one-off "good job"s and things like that was with CT. It was their routine, she'd lay next to him whenever they'd decide to go to sleep and talk about... anything. Mainly the day, the events of the last elimination... and this was no different. She tapped his shoulder to let him know she was there before laying down next to him. He turned to face her, and although she really couldn't see, she could tell the smile that spread on his face.

"Proud of you." was the first thing he said. "But you shouldn't have been in there in the first place."

"I know." Roxanne sighed. "I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't give me a straight answer. It was more like, y'know, he wanted to get Kelz out and that's why I was in, I was... basically a pawn. He acknowledged nothing of, y'know, what I heard him say."

"It's bullshit."

"I know." Roxanne sighed. "I know. But I'm not ready to go home yet. Not now."

"You aren't going to." CT touched her cheek gently, and she leaned into his hand, kissing his palm. 

"I know."