𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 • 𝐊𝐢𝐦 𝐒𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐦𝐢𝐧

26 - nana

I get that you might not believe 
me right now because yeah there 
is a group chat without you, but 
you can trust me 

You did nothing wrong at all 

hana 
I told you before that I don't 
have many friends, right? 

I have this group, Seungmin 

I have the girls and Astran 

And I really thought I might 
be able to find new people 

I did, but...you are making me 
feel really bad right now, seung 

seungmin 
Nana... 

I am sorry 

That I made you feel that 
way 

Just listen to me for a minute yeah?  

I swear no one wants you to feel 
bad, and absolutely no one is 
trying to leave you out, okay? 

You just have to believe me, please 

Hana stared at her screen, holding back tears.

She felt stupid.

A few hours ago, she was talking to her friends about how scared she was that Seungmin might like her, but she was even more scared now. The thought of him not liking her at all was way scarier than she thought it would.

She felt weak.

They made a group chat without her, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. It felt as if she was losing all her friends, not only Seungmin and his friends, but as if her group of friends was slowly getting away too.

She just didn't understand it. She knew she wasn't the most perfect human being but she thought that when he wanted to befriend her in the first place he would stay with her, that he would remain her friend. But now, she wasn't so sure anymore.

She couldn't understand why she felt so attached to someone she hoped didn't actually like her hours ago.

She put down her phone, seeing he wasn't even typing anymore. The feeling was really the worst. For some reason, it felt even worse than when she realized her mom wasn't a great person like she thought her whole childhood.

Suddenly, she felt like the girl she was years ago. Back then, it was her parents that she was losing, and she could do nothing about it, no matter how much she tried. And now, she thought she was losing everyone again. Even Amy, who she thought would stay with her forever.

Before she could even realized it, the room was filled with her sobs.

She felt broken.

"Shit," she mumbled, whipping away her tears. "Why am I crying over a couple of boys?" She asked herself, trying her best to stop. Her breathing got heavier and she closed her eyes, doing her best to calm down. "It's fine, you can see the girls in a few hours, they'll probably want to go grab dinner together again," she tried to assure herself, but it wasn't exactly helping like she wished it would. 

Then her phone buzzed again.

She dropped her head into her pillow, debating on if she should look at what text she just got. She wasn't sure if she wanted to see or not. No matter who it was that texted her she was too scared to look. It didn't matter what the message said, she knew it would probably break her even more.

Still, she reached for her phone, taking a peek at the text. 

seungmin has sent you a voice message 

She hesitated at first, just staring at her phone screen again. She really didn't want to see what he said. His voice might be the last thing she needed to calm down at the moment.

Or maybe, it was actually exactly what she needed to hear in order to calm down. 

She opened the conversation between her and Seungmin, clicking as his voice message to see what he had to say about everything.  

"I didn't want to call you because I knew you wouldn't pick up, and honestly, I don't blame you. Phone calls are the worst, you were right at that. But you are definitely not right this time, Nana," he started and Hana could already feel her tears coming back. His voice was calming in a way, but it also felt as if someone stabbed her. "And I don't want you to send me voice messages back or anything unless you want to, but I think it would be better if you heard me say it, so you wouldn't have any more doubts."

She paused the message for a moment, taking a deep breath again as she sat up properly, trying to prepare herself. It was the first time he had sent her a voice message. It wasn't completely different from hearing him sing but the feeling was different. It was way more real. 

It felt as if he was really there with her.

"Hyunjin did create another group chat, I know you saw it, and I know I am repeating myself, but it really wasn't to make you feel bad or on your own. I don't want you to feel on your own, ever," he proclaimed.

"Then why?" Hana mumbled quietly as if he could hear her. Seungmin sighed, hesitating for a moment before he continued. It caught her attention again. "The group chat was made because they thought it would be nice to set us up. And they didn't want you to know so they could do it secretly or whatever. I told them I don't want them to help me like this or anything, but no one listened to me, obviously. I can't really blame them though, you know...I get that they want me to be happy."

Hana listened carefully to him, trying to see where he was going with it. She wasn't sure herself what she wanted to hear from him, she just wanted some sort of assurance that she really didn't need to worry about it.

"And they are doing this because they know I want to be happy with you, Hana," he proclaimed softly, making her eyes widen. "I know it's not a big surprise I am saying this, but I like you. I guess you figured it out already, and I am sorry I brought you so many worries with it, but it's the truth. I don't need you to like me back, I just need you to know I would never intentionally do anything to make you feel bad, and I am sorry it happened."

"Hopefully, this is not making you feel stupid again. I'll tell Hyunjin to delete the group chat, no matter if he wants to or not. It's more important that you feel included enough, because you don't deserve to be feeling anything else," Seungmin paused for a second again as if he was trying to recall everything he said until now. "I care about you a lot, Hana. So please, don't think any less about me. I don't know how I would deal with it if you did."