youngblood ↠ rafael barba svu-blue bloods

chapter twenty-nine

"it's a case i was working, i just couldn't pick up the phone."

"she's right jamie, come on." my older brother tries to break it up. "and kel, you need to calm down."

"this is an important day for the family and you didn't show up on time, without so much as a phone call! what was i supposed to think! of course my mind went straight to what happened to joe because it sure as shit could've turned out that way."

i was yelling even louder at this point. i was so angry, i couldn't hold it in.

"hey, hey, hey." erin and linda came out, now in the middle of this, came over to comfort me.

"listen twinnies, let's settle this later. jamie's here, let's get the kid baptized, and get out of here." danny says.

i take a deep breath as i turned to see my husband also on the steps of the church.

"mi amor."

"please don't. not now."

joe, why couldn't you be here?

~

"one more!" sonny says as he takes a couple more pictures of me and my family on his camera. "alright, all done!"

the baptism was done and we were back at the reagan family household.

nicki immediately demanded the baby as i gave him to her as her eyes just lit up as she went to the other room.

"everything okay between you and jamie?" rafael asks.

"why do you ask?"

"because he looks guilty and you've been giving him the stink eye all day. not to mention what happened outside of church today."

"just pissed about the baptism."

"he apologized and everything went smoothly, mi amor. just take a breath, talk to him, and let's move on."

i knew rafa was right but i couldn't let it go.

was i glad to see him show up at the church? absolutely. but the feeling i get in my heart when i don't hear from my siblings scare me too damn much.

"so you and the rest of you reagan's grew up in this house?" eddie asked me after rafa walked away.

"oh yeah. if he look close enough, you'll see the dents the boys made in the walls when they were younger."

she laughed before she spoke again. "your son is lucky to have a family like this."

"and you are now part of his family eddie." i smile. "excuse me for a second?"

she nodded.

i made my way outside as sat on one of the chairs on the porch.

i took the st. jude medallion out of my sweater pocket and looked at it.

the initials j.r. on them as i rubbed my thumb across it.

"it's getting close to that time." i heard my brother's voice. "barba said i could find you out here."

i nodded at jamie. "the anniversary of joe's death."

"yeah."

he handed me a beer which i graciously accepted, taking a sip.

"you know joe is the first person i told when i applied for the academy."

"i thought i was."

i shook my head. "you were the second. i applied for the academy and sat right here on these steps. joe being joe knew something was up and sat where you are now. he asked me one question and i spilled my guts."

"really?"

i nodded. "right in this spot."

"was he surprised?"

"not one bit. we were just about a month from finishing undergrad. you already knew you were going to harvard to go to law school and i just knew i had a calling to this life." i say. "he literally said 'i knew you'd be the one to follow the rest of us down the rabbit hole.'"

"he didn't expect me?"

"you know none of us did. you went to harvard for law school for christsake."

"poor mom."

i chuckled. "indeed. definitely didn't see her two babies becoming cops."

"and her youngest to be a detective by 25."

"yep."

"if there's one thing i envy you for, it's having joe at your graduation ceremony from the academy."

"you at least didn't hear the 10-13 come over the air when he was shot or the phone call that happened soon after. i was on patrol when it happened."

"i wish i wasn't in a damn civics class and just answered the call."

"he was supposed to call me back that day." i say. "i never thought twice about it until i found out it was him who had been shot."

jamie wrapped an arm around me.

"i'm sorry sis."

"i know. i'm sorry too."

"you never told me that."

"don't even think rafael knows that."

"i'm sorry i scared you and for being late. it won't happen again." he says. "i forget how much joe's death impacted you."

i nod. "it impacted all of us."

"to this day." he replies. "thank god we have each other."

"amen to that." i say. "you know what would be crazy?"

"what's that?"

"if joe ended up having a son or daughter somewhere that we didn't know about."

"you know something i don't?"

"no. just a thought."

before we could say anything else, raf came to the back porch.

"you two might wanna get in here."

"what's up?" i ask.

"danny and erin."

"those two never shut up do they?"

"if i know our older brother and sister, never."