HAZARDOUS ✷ Lookism.

𝐗𝐗𝐈. apologies

"don't do this for my sake." harsh as it may be, deok-ja had never gotten around to losing that well sharpened edge to her voice — it was times like these where she wished she could convey her thoughts through more than just senseless anger, but for all kil deok-ja was, it amounted to nothing more than a dead star who had nothing to her name other than a knife wound to her gut that had never fully healed and a bark that was louder than her bite.

"don't treat me like i'm a child, deok-su. i'm sick of running," like all dead stars, the explosion was bound to come sometime. only instead of the supernova she could've been, deok-ja was an explosion of rage and bitter tears. "you always run away to the quickest solution, but that fixes nothing! are you going to destroy yourself to keep me safe? are you going back to the life you swore you hated?"

"this is different." deok-su glared, but it was weak and futile, the same way he always felt when it came to things that were beyond his control.

"different how? at least we were fucking happy then! we had a real family!" deok-ja heaved, "but here, all we have is ourselves and people that are willing to die if it means killing us. and you want to do exactly what you told me to never do?"

"you'll never understand the things i've sacrificed for this family." deok-su sighed. "and i want it to stay that way. stay blind, deok-ja, and curse me all you want, but i'm doing this for us."

deok-ja stared at her brother — the boy who was only minutes older than her, who lived a life in confinement simply for her sake. she hated him. hated that he had become a shell to shield her away from all the bad, all the while eroding away into nothing but emptiness in her stead. she hated kil deok-su because he was meant to be something greater than just a child trying to be a man, caring for his younger sister the way their father had never done.

kil deok-ja hated herself for letting him carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, knowing he could not bear such a heavy burden.

"you think i don't know? that you killed our dad, and that you watched our mom die? that you killed all those people back home? i don't care, deok-su."

i don't care.

"that doesn't make you any less. you had a reason. what we did back then wasn't wrong. we did what we had to do to survive." deok-ja looked at deok-su through her anger, trying her hardest to make him see — it wasn't his fault. it had never been his fault.

"i did what i had to survive. the only one with blood on their hands is me. and what i did was wrong."

"avenging me was wrong? saving ourselves in exchange for the lives of murderers was wrong?" deok-ja had forgotten the burning, aggravating feeling of tears falling down her face. they made her eyes sting, and her lips salty.

"they were family. i killed our family. i killed the only people who you loved." deok-su said quietly.

deok-ja scoffed. she wanted to kick something.

"i didn't love them! god, for someone so smart, you're so fucking stupid. you think i'd love someone who ruined my life? you think i'd love the people who destroyed me?"

"listen to me, kil deok-su." she jabbed a finger into his chest. "i forgave you a long time ago. in fact, there was nothing to forgive in the first place. you saved us. and i don't regret anything that happened back in gangseo or with big deal, so you shouldn't either."

there was silence. deok-ja angrily pushed her finger further into her brother's chest.

"got it?" she pressed, and he nodded, swatting her finger away.

"yeah." deok-su murmured.

"good. i'm calling gun."

the older kil raised an eyebrow. "why?"

"if you're accepting his offer, so am i."

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# LOVE, RAY !

there was, in fact, no apologies issued 😰

idk how to feel ab this ,,, but it's been a few months and i think this fic deserved an update 😭 sorry for the neglect i promise im not discontinuing this fic i was just really unmotivated to write

short chapter :))) confrontation is not my strong suit and yall can obv tell ... not my best work but it'll have 2 do!

i think at the very least i did their contrasting personalities a bit of justice and elaborated more on why deok-su is so hellbent on not fighting anymore, but now that deok-ja has told him that she has never hated him for what he did, there will be more development in his character 🙏

also i love interactive readers so pls vote and comment<33 and pls lmk if there are any spelling and grammar errors !!

love y'all and stay safe!