Growing Pains

Chapter 3

"You're really pregnant?" I look at his hazel eyes and see that there is so much concern there, I start to tear up myself.  Justin rubs his hands through his curly black hair. I see the vein in his neck start to bulge the way it does when he's anxious. 

I've barely come to terms with the fact that I'm pregnant. There's just so much I hadn't even thought about. Hearing him say it make it seem so real, it's like a slap in the face. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

Why shouldn't I be, I think to myself. I never take my birth control consistently and we never use a condom.  I don't know how I didn't see this coming. I feel awful, I think I'm ruining his life. He deserves so much more than this. 

"I mean, I never take my birth control."

"And? Emilee, we haven't used a condom in like a year. This is both our faults. If anything I feel worse for you than I do for myself. I'm 23, I finished school, I've been working at the hospital for 2 years and I have an apartment and am pretty stable. You haven't even finished high school."

He's right, the thought of school had not even crossed my mind. I have dreams. How am I supposed to finish school? Better yet, how am I supposed to start school? I wanted to graduate, have a job, a husband, a house and then, maybe a kid. I'm doing this all backwards. What do I have now? No diploma yet, no home, nothing. I can't keep this kid, maybe I'll get an abortion, or maybe adoption. They both suck. I'm not against abortion but now that it's my situation I don't know that I could do it.  On one side, I'll get an abortion and then I don't even have to tell anyone it happened and the problem just disappears, but that seems so wrong now. On the other hand, I can go through adoption, carry the baby the entire 9 months and then just not have the prize at the end. I just don't know. 

" I know, I just don't know what to do. I want to finish school and if we keep the baby at the very least I'll finish high school, but that's not going to be enough. What do you think?"

He toys with his hands a little bit and then says, "Well, I would love to keep it, but I want to be on the same page as you too. I'll support you no matter what but I don't want you to do something because of me you know?"

We finally park in front of a house. We both walk in and go up the stairs, I go in and sit in the living room of his 2 bedroom apartment, "Justin can I use your laptop?"

"Go for it" he shouts from the bathroom.

Still in the clothes I wore that day I uncomfortably swing my feet up onto the couch and start doing some research. About half an hour later Justin comes over to me and sits at the foot of the couch, lifting my legs he lovingly rubs my leg, "What are you doing?" 

"I'm looking some stuff up. I don't know if we can keep it, I just want to make sure that I keep my options open you know? I don't think I want to get an abortion but I don't really know how adoption works. At the same time I feel really bad because you're in a good place. You have a good job, benefits, a degree and your older than I am you know?"

"I get it,  but Em, there's always time. Don't let my being older than you dictate the choice you're going to make. This is about you and that baby right now. Have you made an appointment yet?"

"Yeah, it's tomorrow."

"So then why don't you talk to the doctor and see what an abortion actually is and then we'll take it from there."

"Are you going to be mad at me?"

"No Emilee, come on, we've been together for 2 years now, you should know me better than that. I'm hoping for many more and if this just isn't in the cards for us right now then be it. But I do have just one question."