When Steve had merrily revealed his grand plan, Bucky had let out a dry, humourless laugh. Humourlessly, of course, as the situation was rather dire, but he had laughed nonetheless. Bucky took the news rather graciously, considering, having contorted his face into a pained smile and wishing Steve good luck on his endeavours, but the moment Steve hurried from the room and left Bucky in the company of silence, all hell was brought to Earth in an instant.
It started with the small, sage vase on the table, smashed against the wall 'til nothing remained of it. He felt the glass slash at his skin; he could smell the pungent iron of blood smeared across his hand, but there was nothing inside of him anymore that brought him to care. Bucky had almost forgotten he was a monster. What part of him wasn't? Each corner of the room was red with blood, each wall littered with hundreds of fist-shaped holes that hadn't been there hours before. His hand was throbbing, yet all he could do was stare at the utter mess surrounding him. Bucky wanted to scream 'til his throat went out. He wanted to throw himself at Steve's feet and demand he reconsider - demand for him to stay in a world they both knew deep down neither of them belonged to.
'The hardest part of this,' Steve had said, 'is leaving you.'
'Then why not stay?'
He'd had the guts to smile.
'I think it's time I go home.'
Bucky agreed, though he did so quietly. He was more than ready to go home, yet he couldn't. He knew he could never go home, not really, and Bucky wasn't the kind of man to let himself believe something he knew with such certainly to be untrue. Perhaps he had spent too long in the guestroom sobbing madly on the floor, the only word on his tongue that of a man so willing to let his pal become nothing more than a ghost in the sun, or a ghost in the snow. Steve had been so utterly elated to live a life where Bucky faded into the dark, a phantom in the nooks of his mind at the very best. Bucky had to watch his best friend turn away, he had felt the knife carve his spine, yet he doubted even HYDRA could have replicated the agony that moment had brought. Nothing hurt more, but nothing hurt at all.
~~
I will not kiss you
'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you
YOU ARE READING
~ Another Love ~
Fanfiction~ Loosely Canon~ Two years since Steve went back and Bucky is hardly able to remember the days of the week. Sam tried his hardest, and to his credit, some of Bucky's happiest days have been with him and Sarah. It just isn't the same. Nothing is the...
