twinkle twinkle little star
how i wonder what you are
up above the world so high
like a diamond in the sky
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Sighing mentally I prepare myself to not breakdown again .
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Ever since childhood I've read the poem over and over again , really wondering that the stars that shine so brightly , are they really happy ? Or do they tend to shine themselves so people who see them become happy ?
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I used to ask maa all the time , but would only get one thing '' Look at the moon Ella , everyone appreciates the moon but ignores the stars . But does the star stop shining ? no . They know their worth , the moon does too . When there is no moon seen in the night sky , it's the stars that light them up making them shine like pretty diamonds . ''They are so beautiful ; don't you think that ?
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''They are maa . Indeed they are maa . Indeed they are beautiful . But you are far more beautiful than them ''
The little human giggles with her mother while stargazing in their backyard bonding .
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I smile remembering the beautiful person and the beautiful moments .
It is too late to think again , but those moments that stabbed me momentarily comes in my mind .
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'' Maa look I've drawn this for you !! ''
'' I won the competition mummy where are you ?? ''
eh ? where is my mummy ?
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*something breaks* *a loud yelp*
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I run towards the kitchen leaving the bag and the paper i felt so proud looking at .
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There was maa leaning against the stove being threatened by someone .
I pick up something and throw it towards them but oh no ; too late .
Mum got stabbed and the person holds their head turning around .
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And I see him . My father ...?
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I remember everything , running towards maa and pushing him so hard .
My loud cries and the call to 112 .
'' Ella , you know that I love you so much right ? ''
'' No I don't - don't know that you have to stay and make me realise that you do .''
He was arrested the moment they came to rescue , but unfortunately she could not tell me that she loved me so much and just like that I stopped loving myself too .
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Breath In
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Breath Out
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Breath In
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Breath Out
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Breath In
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A frustrated sigh leaves my mouth .
My phone lights up '' she's here I guess '' .
I answer the phone and she yells '' Gurl you're ready yet ? ''
'' Yeah ze-ze I'm coming out wait a minute please .''
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I pick up the bags and take a last look at the house which once used to be '' HOME '' .
All those beautiful memories that were made here , I'll keep that in my heart and build a new home .
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I'll give myself another chance to fulfill her wish ; to Love Myself again .
Locking the door I go out to meet Zara .
She opens the trunk and helps me put the things inside .
I make myself comfortable in the passenger seat as she starts the engine .
'' Ready to start a new life ? '' she asks .
'' Yeah , I guess . '' I answer her , taking a deep breath .
She assures me , '' Don't worry bae I'm here . ''
'' Thank you would be underrated enough from me to you , I appreciate you so much ze-ze ; without you I would not be able to do this . ''
'' Oh my precious Estele you know that I love you so much na ? ''
'' And I love you too . ''
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We both giggle , she turns on the radio and focuses on the road while I look at the stars and wish for the best to the both of us .
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word count - 739words
