What if

burning hill

I climb faster  only to find ashes to rest my soul upon,
The burning hill has long been orange, competing with the sun to be most golden,
But there's a version of you behind me, running around, blowing out the fires,
Your face etched deep with a frown,
Clutching hands, holding onto nothing,
How could you forget that water is blue?
I've weeped this colour everyday for you,
Not the shade of yellow you hold,
Do you even know remorse?
There's another piece of you, lying on the other side,
Filled with shards of the mirror you broke,
How must it feel be to so ugly,
To be filled with such rage to break all that reflects you,
Time stands still on this hill, this grave where we bury our love,
Shovel us six feet under, or just me,
Keep me closer to the crust, to the centre of this something, just to know what it feels like,
To touch the earth, to be touched,
I've asked enough.
October is ending, can you feel it in the way you say my name?
You say it so softly, as if you don't want to,
You're so silent like the dead, I wonder what it feels like to have your heart beat for me, or anything really.
You're angry at things we never became,
I couldn't let you destroy us this easy, not when your hands still held mine when you ached,
You're hurting because I never changed,
Never became you, never became someone who didn't stay,
I stayed so long there, I became the burning hill,
There's so much of you, but never you,
Filled in every story, every page, every sentence,
I've burnt it all, from black to golden, it glows.