Dear Ryan,

Part 1

5 years later

"You know...I don't think yellow is quite your colour, Mabel." I examined her fragile figure.

She chuckled and did a little twirl in her sun dress, "oh pish posh, I look 66 and sexy in everything"

A smile tugged at my lips. "To have an attitude like yours,"

Mabel walked over and sat down on the couch beside me. Her floral perfume engulfed me and although it wasn't exactly my taste in perfume, it smelt expensive.

"Oh dear," she placed a hand on my shoulder, "you're 23, not dead. You can always change your view of life."

I didn't expect her to say anything philosophical, so I was taken aback by her words. Then again, with Mabel, you never knew what kind of conversation you would have. "I don't look half as good at 23 as you look at 75."

She laughed, "ahh you mean 66." She jokingly corrected.

I gasped, acting remorseful, "I am so sorry, yes, I meant 66."

"You're forgiven. Now, let me go grab that coffee, I promised you earlier." She got up and danced into the kitchen.

I smiled, watching her dance out of the room. I had never met anyone happier than Mabel Kim. Granted, I didn't have a lot of friends and my social interaction scale was laughable, but still, I don't think even if I knew more people, I would find someone who was as happy as Mabel was.

She was just so content, wherever she was, whatever she was facing, she was so content with where she was. Maybe that's why I liked her so much, she was who I wished I could be.

I snapped myself out of my thoughts as Mabel trotted back into the living room, with two mugs in her hand. She handed me a mug and kept one for herself. "Thank you,"

"It's no trouble, sweetheart." She responded, her brown eyes twinkling. Mabel started saying something, but I was zoned out, staring at her. Yes, she was five years from 80, but she didn't look a day over 50, she kept herself so well, she went to the gym every day and was a raw vegan. Wrinkles had formed on her forehead and near her laugh lines but weren't noticeable unless you were really looking at her. Her Korean genes gave her the most beautiful, glassy skin I had ever seen. She had a few gray hairs but nothing that her luscious black locks couldn't mask. "...so you see, it's all very complicated.

I blinked. "I'm sorry...what's complicated?"

Mabel huffed dramatically, "Oh child, your chocolate eyes stare at me but your mind is elsewhere."

I chuckled, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, could you please repeat what you said?"

She shook her head, "I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Melody. Anyways, what I was saying was, I have a doctor's appointment Tuesday morning, would you be able to take me? I would ask my son, but you already know how our relationship is and blah blah blah."

I furrowed my eyebrows, "didn't you just go to the doctor's late last week?" My heart fell as I asked her, I wanted to be wrong, but I knew I wasn't. The thing with Mabel was that the world could be falling apart and to her, everything was still dandy. My point being, something was happening, but she wouldn't tell me what because unlike her, I worried. My gut knew she was hiding something.

"What?" she pondered, "no...I don't think so..."

"But Mabel–" I started, but stopped myself, there was no point in arguing because she wouldn't tell me, I knew that. "Okay, yes, I'll take you."

"Thank you," she smiled warmly. "Anyhow, dear let me show you something," I followed her step, coffee mug still in hand. She led me to another room. I had been to Mabel's house almost daily for the last two years and it was beautiful. It was also huge so there were many rooms I never got to explore, not like I minded though, I came to her house to see her, not to explore.

Nonetheless, she trotted ahead into the hallway and up the stairs. I followed her through the newly renovated house and up to a room in a hallway across from her bedroom where I had never been.

"You know...when you're my age, in a house so big, all by yourself, it's nice to have company" Mabel spoke lightheartedly as she placed her hand on a doorknob to the first room on the left of the hallway we had just entered.

I looked around the second floor. On the right of the grand staircase, that went up the middle, was this hallway that we had just entered. There were three doors on this side, one of the room Mabel was about to open and two other to rooms on the right that I was clueless about.

To the left of the staircase was the hallway that I was most familiar with. Mabel's room was on that side, as well as her office and a guest bedroom. In the middle of the two hallways, perched at the top of the stairs was a floor to ceiling window that looked out onto her backyard, which was no ordinary backyard, may I just say. There was a pool and a fully done and did deck with a stone wall and a fully functional outside kitchen. The entire deck was furnished, and the backyard looked onto the ocean. Her house was truly stunning.

I turned my attention back to Mabel and realized that she had already entered the room. Hurriedly, I followed her in and instantly I was in, what felt like, a completely different house. The walls were a dark blue colour and the bed perched in the middle of the room was a dark frame with a black silk comforter and pillowcases. There was a desk facing the window, which overlooked the side yard. The desk had a few stationary items on it but didn't like it had been used in a while. There were bookcases covering most of the walls, filled with everything from books to boardgames, to picture frames. Mabel was fiddling with something on the desk, so I made my way to a picture frame on the dark oak bookshelf.

The picture frame itself was silver, with a picture of two young boys crouched down with a puppy between the two. The picture looked old, maybe a couple of years. I picked it up, "Mabel, is this your son?" I asked, curiously examining the picture.

She smiled, still only half-turned to me and half facing the desk. "Close, it's my grandson and his best friend, Ryan squared. This is his room from when the boys would spend his summers with me and my ex-husband." She trailed off and then continued. "Over the years Ryan Kim, my grandson and his best friend, Ryan Jeon, would come visit me without telling my son. I won't lie though.... that stopped a while ago and I haven't heard of the boys for years. I also never reached out."

I nodded but chose to not ask any questions. I didn't know much about Mabel's grandson, only that the family had a falling out and her son forbade her grandson from coming back here or even speaking to Mabel. I didn't know why or when, nor did I ever see it fit to ask. This was the one thing in the entire world, I knew, still hurt Mabel, so I didn't understand why she was showing me this room. I stared down at the picture again, taking in the young boys' features and then put it back in its place.

As if she could read my mind, Mabel spoke, her tone suddenly soft. "The reason I'm showing you this," she paused, "is because I want you to understand that we all have scars. Things in our past, we'd rather forget. So, whatever it is that made you the way you are, Melody, your story...I don't want you to end up like me. Living in a big house, with all the things I could have ever asked for but still longing for things to have been different because of that one thing I never addressed."

My eyes were wide and my heart pounding, but I proceeded to listen.

"One thing I will say, I did heal, forgive and choose to be where I am now. So, child, however you must, heal." She looked at me, her eyes gentle.

"Thank you," I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

"If you ever get to meet my grandson or his best friend Ryan, tell them that I love them. I don't know how much time I have left on this planet and if I never get to see him again, I want them to know." She walked over to me and leaned against the door frame.

"Don't say that, Mabel, you're healthy, nothing will happen to you." I reassured, uneasy with death.

"Oh," she waved nonchalantly, "everyone must go one day, I'm not afraid of death."

I smiled, "I know,"

"Well, enough of that," she shook herself off and took a deep breath. "Now, I need Soju."