INTERMISSIONS

INTERMISSION OCT 20

It was shaping up to be the perfect party. I watched you from the corner as you joked around with your friends.

One of them approaches me, slurring. He said: "I didn't know you turned Light gay."

I bristled. "What do you mean?"

"You made him gay. He's your boyfriend now,right?"

Before I could deny it, the slurring friend keels over one of the potted plants and vomits. At that moment I felt like vomiting too.

I started dating - dating at a frantic speed. 'You over there? You like me? Great! Let's have a beer.  This was a mildly entertaining night - maybe kissing you would make it better! Maybe if we brought this to my room. Maybe if - maybe if you were Light...'

I was desperate to fall out of love. I was desperate to give you back your life. Let you find a woman you love. I was desperate to find someone to replace you in my heart. 

I loved you too much to shackle you to me.

Every day, I tried to act like I wasn't simultaneously dying and basking in your presence.

When you started avoiding me, I was relieved. Sure, the relief came with a stabbing pain but it was relief nonetheless.

You were going to leave in a few weeks anyway. Graduation was coming towards us like a steam train.
Maybe it's better that I am far away from you when you finally meet the woman of your dreams. Because how would I even survive that?

It didn't stop me from missing you.

I missed you so much I filled my day with more lectures, more extracurricular projects.

I even got a part time job.

It wore me to the bone.

In fact, I was so tired that Friday night. I almost called in sick to Cloud11.

But I didn't.

It was Earn who told me you were knocking back shots like you were in a competition and though I have vowed to keep my distance- I couldn't help but be worried.

Hearing you say what you said -filled me with so much hope. So much hope that it was terrifying. Because here I was hanging on to the words of a man clearly drunk out of his mind.

When you told me you loved me. I wanted to cast away all self preservation and tell you yes yes yes I love you too.

But it seemed to good to be true.

Thank you for loving me despite my doubts and insecurities. Thank you for loving me despite my walls and my armor.

Thank you for showing me that you
are too good but somehow you are also true, real, here.

Mine.

And though I cannot offer you perfection.
I can offer you all my truth.
And all that is good in me.
I offer you my present.
And my future.

I offer you a love I cannot define nor quantify but know with with every fiber of my being is real and powerful.

I love you Bryce Light Chivaaree.

I promise this to you now.
Later, I will promise it in front of our families and friends.
Every day, I will promise you.

I love you.
In ways that are cheesy, corny, tropey.

I love you
In ways that are undying, unending, unimpeachable.

I love you
from the first moment I saw you.
I will until my final moments.
Perhaps even beyond.

I cannot wait to marry you, my Light.
My Love.

Yours Forever,
Win

The letter closes.
The suite door opens.

"It's time."

Light almost runs out the door.