if you want some insight into your story from a reader's point of view, I'll help you improve what you might be doing wrong.
I hope I can help you:)
#1 in review 26/09/2023
#4 in reviewshop 29/09/2023
I'm not a big fan of one word titles it doesn't provide much information about the story. I would suggest use an unique title.
Cover: ( 8 / 10 )
The author's name is not visible.
Blurb: ( 6 / 10 )
There were grammatical errors in the blurb. The blurb has a certain level of curiosity-building parts. I felt the blurb was weak. I got the premise but I suggest you revise it by adding a scene or telling it in a way that makes the readers want to read more.
Prologue: ( 6 / 10 )
Chapter 1 was decent, it didn't immediately draw me in or make me eager to read further. Consider adding elements that create a stronger emotional connection or curiosity. The chapter was a miss for me.
Pacing: ( 6 / 10 )
Repetitive sentence structure, uneven, long dialogues
The pacing in the dialogue-heavy sections feels flat and needs descriptive details. The pacing is one problem with this story; it feels unsteady and unplanned. The excessive use of dialogue tags.
Plot: ( 11 / 20 )
The plot but from all that I read, it felt cliché and an overdone trope. I can't get the logic of how a four-year-old can push a full-grown adult down the stairs and people are debating if she did push her mother off the stairs. It doesn't make sense to me. I think the characters here are lacking in common sense. The fact that the main character is a business owner, assassin, and street fighter at the same time is hard to take in and on top of that, she is just twenty.
Characters: ( 5 / 10 )
From just one chapter I can tell the characters here lack common sense they can't think with logic and believe whoever they listen to. They have long dragged dialogues and feel flat.
But keeping all this aside I think you did a decent job of framing the main character and Xavier.
Engagement can be subjective, and while some readers might continue reading, the current level of engagement might lead others to drop out if they don't find it interesting enough. Finding ways to keep readers hooked chapter by chapter could improve engagement.
Overall: ( 58 / 100 )
You can do wonders if you remove the unnecessary dialogues and scenes. It will help you to rewrite it with better word choice.
