strings attached ; firstprince

chapter eight

Tears well up in Alex's eyes, and he blinks them back. He's done enough crying in private over the past week. "I just... I can't believe I let this happen. I was so scared of losing him that I ended up losing him anyway... You all warned me and I didn't listen."

June's expression softens, and she reaches out to give his arm a reassuring squeeze. "Love can be messy, Alex. But it's also forgiving. You just need to give him some time. We all saw how hard he fell for you, too."

Alex nods, grateful for their support even as he feels the weight of his mistakes pressing down on him. "I'm going to try to make things right, somehow. Well, I have something planned."

Nora smiles warmly. "I'm really glad, I'm sure with time he'll come around."

"And even if he doesn't," June adds, offering a ressuring smile. "You'll always have us."

Alex smiles, probably the most he has all week, and goes back to his burrito which seems to taste so much better when it's his first sustainable meal of the day. June and Nora only stay for a few minutes longer before they say they have to leave and get ready for a dinner with some girls from their course.

By the time he's alone again, the CD has finished burning and Alex carefully takes it out and places it in a transparent plastic case. He pulls out a sharpie from his desk draw and writes on the disk; "To Henry, I'm sorry. These remind me of you. Yours, Alex."

Alex gazes at the CD for a moment, a combination of hope and anxiety coursing through him. He knows this is just a small gesture, a drop in the vast ocean of emotions that have been stirred up between him and Henry, but it's a start. It's something.

Putting his phone back in his pocket, he reaches for a jacket and slips it on. With the CD still clutched tightly in his hand, he leaves his dorm room behind.

The short five-minute walk from his dorm to Henry's feels like an eternity. Every step is a battle against the anxiety that threatens to overwhelm him.

As he climbs the stairs to Henry's dorm corridor, his heart hammers in his chest. The corridor seems endless, and he can hear the echoes of his own footsteps ringing in his ears. Alex finally comes to a halt in front of Henry's door, his hand hovering just inches away from knocking. But he can't bring himself to do it. The words have to come from his music, not from his faltering voice.

With a heavy sigh, Alex kneels down and carefully slides the CD under the crack beneath Henry's door. He takes a moment to stare at the slender space that separates him from the person he's hurt the most, the CD now his last hope. Then, without looking back, he rises to his feet and descends the stairway, leaving behind a CD with his feelings for Henry waiting to be listened to.

—

Minutes turn into hours and hours turn into days without hearing a word from Henry. Each day that passes by feels more and more like rejection and he feels himself losing Henry completely.

It's fucking horrible. No matter how much Alex runs, plays music–he's even been doing small gigs at venues–he still feels that knotted feeling in his stomach, reminding him that he's lost something so important to him.

It's almost nine pm when Alex is walking home from a bar where he just played a gig during a busy Friday night. He forced himself to go home early because he found himself welling up over a glass of whiskey—he felt embarrassingly pathetic being seen in that state.

Opening the door to his empty dorm, which he's now tidied to perfection during last night's restless chaotic energy, feeling nothing other than loneliness. He kicks off his shoes as he shuts the door behind him, leaning against the door with a breath he feels like he's been holding all night. He feels the weight of everything becoming too much and his eyes start to sting as they tear up.