Order From Chaos

Chapter One: Chance Meetings

She nodded and looked at Bradley. "Will you drive him?"

"Of course," the other man answered. "Come, son, I'll take you there."

"Thank you," Jayden answered flatly. He was feeling that unreal sensation again. It was so strong today for some reason. He guessed it wasn't being weak to ask for help when needed; he needed it today. "Please take care of the plants while I'm gone."

"Of course, dear," Ella said before she gave him a tight hug and let him go.

Jayden quietly followed Bradley to their car and got into the passenger seat. He buckled himself in mechanically and then stared out the window as his adopted father drove him to the main hospital in their town. He didn't notice the passage of time or the passage of the world around him. He was jolted out of his headspace when Bradley shook his shoulder.

"We're here. Do you want me to go in with you?" Bradley asked.

"No, I'm fine from here. I'll go in the ER and tell them what's wrong. I'll call you when I know what they will do with me. I guess if you want to wait here, you can, but really, I think they'll admit me." He felt strange talking about himself. It was as if he didn't exist and was talking about someone else.

He got out of the car and waved as Bradley drove off. For a moment, he rethought what he was doing. Would checking himself into a psych ward really do something to help stop these intrusive thoughts he kept having? They would put him on medicine, which he had long avoided. He needed help, though. Maybe it was time to take that step that he'd always feared. He knew it wasn't true, but he had this idea in his head that taking medicine meant he was weak and couldn't handle things on his own.

He didn't want to make Ella cry. She had been so kind to take him in when he was in such a bad place with his mother and stepfather. He rubbed his jaw in remembered pain and shuddered. He hated to imagine where he'd be if it weren't for Ella and Bradley. He swallowed hard and walked through the doors.

He approached the front desk and saw several nurses sitting there. He hadn't thought about what he was supposed to say to them. What sort of thing did one tell someone when they came in like this? After all, he was willingly putting himself here, but he knew they had to have a reason to admit him. If he didn't tell them what was going on, they'd just send him on his way. He didn't want that to happen.

"What can we do for you?" one of the nurses, a woman with gray hair tied in a bun and clear bright blue eyes behind wire framed glasses, asked him.

"Um, I think I need to be checked into the psychiatric ward. I've been struggling with depression, and today, all I can think about is ways to kill myself," he said with a detachment to the statement. Again, it was like he was talking about a different person.

"Okay, fill out this triage form, and we'll get you in line to see someone," she said and handed a paper to him.

He carefully filled out his name, address, phone, and emergency contact, and he paused when he got to the reason for the visit. He swallowed and put "suicidal thoughts" down and left it at that. He handed her the paper and sat in the waiting area. He felt that same sensation of being outside his body and the world seeming fake. He crossed his arms and tried to concentrate on the people around him. There was a little boy with an earache screaming off and on. Thankfully, he was called back quickly. He saw someone with their arm cradled to their chest and someone holding an icepack to his head. He lost track of time then and felt himself detach from the world again. He had no idea how much time passed, but the others came and went around him, and he tried to watch them but found himself staring into the distance again, feeling like he was outside his body watching it move on its own.