If Only

3

"That wasn't very nice, also it's the key with the black cover on it, it goes in upside down to how normal keys are. It's kind of confusing, I know." Mave seems absolutely normal once again. It's like getting whiplash twenty times in a row and not only am I being physically assaulted, I'm being psychologically tortured. I put the key in the engine and start it. "I usually park in the B garage, can you park there so I don't forget where my car is?" God, I don't understand how someone who I thought was going to assault and kill me two minutes ago is concerned about which parking garage her car is in. I say yes and try to get there as quickly as possible. I'm speeding, barely stopping at lights, praying I will get pulled over so I can be saved from this nightmare. With no luck, I pull into the garage, find the first spot I can, toss her the keys, and walk away. We live in the same dorm, so she's following right behind me. "Will you walk me to my room?" Mave questions and though every bone in my body is telling me no, I don't want anything to happen to her so I say yes.

We round the corner to enter the dorm side entrance when she backs me into the wall again. She leans in to kiss me and I push back. "You know I'm straight, right?" I don't know why she would be asking me this right now and I'm somehow even more confused. "I just don't want you to get the wrong idea. Like, this isn't going to be a thing. I just wanted to try something different and I can tell that you're into me."

"Mave, I don't want to sound rude but I think you've got the wrong idea. I'm not into you. Maybe we can be friends, but I think you should get up to your room and sleep this off." I need to not be here, I need to be anywhere but here. I can't do this, I feel like I'm going to die before the end of the night.

"Okay!" She turns around, unlocks the door and holds the door open for me. I walk in, head to the stairs, and head up to the fourth floor. We live on the same floor, I wasn't aware of this. I'm never going to be able to go to my dorm again, or use the showers here, or the kitchen. I didn't know this is how tonight would go. I don't know what to do. The noise of a key turning in the doorknob knocked me out of my thoughts. She walked into her room and her roommate is sitting there staring at us.

"Hey," I've never met this person, I want to run away and cry, "I'm Rose, Mave got high and she's having a rough night, I'm just going to put her to bed if that's cool." The roommate nods in approval, I set Maves' belongings down on her desk, she climbs into bed, and I go to head out. I'm worried for her roommate's safety too, should I do something? I tell her, "hey just be careful, okay? I'm sorry." Within seconds of closing the door, Mave throws it back open and bolts, like a mad man breaking out of an asylum, down the hall. I don't know why, but I follow. This feels like my responsibility to see it through. I walk down all three halls, I checked the bathroom, I contemplate checking random dorm rooms, but that'd be a sure-fire way to have the cops called on me instead.

In the end, I run out away, down to my room, terrified for the sake of anyone she comes into contact with tonight. I should call the police. I don't want my friend to get in trouble for hooking her up, I don't want to get in trouble. My mom would lose her shit, I'd lose my scholarship. I don't want to deal with all the bullshit of making a police report. They're going to ask me so many questions, I'm going to get kicked out of school for drug use. I don't know what to do. I just go back to my room instead of doing the right thing. Not too sure what the 'right thing' to do is.

I walk into my dorm, my safe space, the clock on the wall saying 2:48 am, and the ever so annoying sound of Caillous' voice is coming from my roommates tele. I sit, staring at the wall for a solid thirty minutes. Anxiety filling my veins. I can't stay here, I decide. I grab my portable phone charger and plug my phone in. I need to leave. I head downstairs to sit in the lobby and figure out next steps. Instead of a moment of peace, I get a snap chat from Mave. 'what happened?' I don't know what that means?

Rose: 'Are you in your room?'

Mave: 'Yes'

'Well the bathroom'

'Was it all a dream?'

'What's going on'

Rose: 'No lol you were mad tripping so i took you too your room and you ran out and I couldn't find you'

Mave: 'Wow I thought I was in purgatory again'

'I fell asleep somehow'

'I'm back to life'

Rose: 'Okay well that's good, glad you're alive'

Mave: 'What ended up happening?'

'Did I do anything?'

Rose: 'I'll tell you next time I see you, but it's too much to text.'

Now I never plan on seeing this girl again in my life, I'm dropping out of Spanish class and losing the 800$ I paid to be enrolled there. I don't want her to get paranoid and do anything to me if she thinks I'm going to report her.

Mave: 'Ok'

'Did a lot of people see?'

Rose: 'No not really'

Mave: 'The police came'

'I have a criminal record'

While I do not want the police involved because I don't want to be kicked out of school, I don't truly believe the police would have seen her in that state and let her go. I do not think they actually went to her dorm.

Rose: 'No that didn't happen'

One missed call from Mave.

Rose: 'I can't talk rn otp'

Mave: 'Where am I parked'

'The police actually did come'

Rose: 'On top of the parking garage'

'And when did they come?'

Mave: 'Just a few minutes ago'

Rose: 'To your dorm?'

Mave: 'Yes'

'They searched everything'

Rose: 'Why would they do that?'

Mave: 'Yup, you're totally good though'

Rose: 'Why am I good?'

Mave: 'They don't know about you too"

Rose: 'Okay? How did they know about you then?'

Mave: 'I walked into a girls room'

'I couldn't control it'

I can't believe I put everyone there in danger. It's not too late, I can call the police, I can do the right thing. But I don't. I continue to put myself first.

Rose: 'Oh so someone called them?'

'How aren't you in jail then Mave?'

Mave: 'Idk'

Rose: 'What did they say to you?'

Mave: 'Oh, not much'

Rose: 'Okay? Weird'

Mave: 'I still don't know what happened'

Rose: 'I'll tell you later'

There was a pause in the conversation, I hoped it was over. I hoped she was in bed, sleeping off whatever just happened. I decide I'm going to call my friend, Wilde, and see if I can sleep over there tonight.