Chapter 19

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The barely rising sun was trying to burst through the cracks of the den, its light breaking through my eyelids and practically ripping me away from sleep. And as I began to wake up, I could feel my own fur prickling from the cold, empty air.

And as I then blinked the sleep away from my eyes, I saw that Scourge was not beside me. Shocker.

And with that realization, I couldn't help but let out a very audible groan and roll onto my back, which was surprisingly a very comfortable position considering my now very, very swollen belly. A very, very swollen belly that at this point was so clearly noticeable that I was shocked that no cat had ever brought it up to me still.

Honestly, at this stage in the game, I almost wanted some cat to notice so that I would be given some opportunity to let Scourge know about it, or let the shocking news spread to him. Because, unfortunately, that was still something that I had failed to do even after knowing for two moons that I was expecting.

At this point, I was worried that he was going to be finding out the hard way. Any day now...

I was hoping with everything in my being that that wouldn't happen, and just the thought of Scourge coming to camp to find me with our new kits or even giving birth, managed to make my stomach feel even heavier.

However, there was another thought that made me feel almost just as sick, and that was that Scourge possibly already knew of what was going on, and was choosing to ignoring it.

Unfortunately, that was very plausible, and that made it feel even worse.

I mean, the BloodClan leader would definitely have to be quite a bit dense to at least not suspect. Although we didn't see each other much these days, there had certainly been moments where he brushed his tail along my flank, or wrapped his tail around me... surely he would notice a difference? I then asked myself. Does he really think I'm just fattening up from some extra burgers?

I then let out a sigh, also very audible, and gave a shake of my head as I continued to stare up at the den roof. And suddenly, I felt more uncomfortable, confused, and scared than I had been in a long time. I'm supposed to be used to having no idea what to expect. I used to love it. It's how I lived for the first bit of my life, but... right now I despise it more than anything.

I then let out another huff, pain in my stomach making me wince slightly as I then rolled onto my side. Goodness gracious, what have I gotten myself into?

That question seemed to echo and replay over and over in my head as it seemed to intertwine, making me feel worse and worse and sicker and sicker with each time that it did. Why had the universe chosen right now for me to expect kits? Why had I waited so long to say anything? Why was I so worried of how Scourge was going to respond? Should I be worried that I'm so worried about that?

And I was only able to pull myself out of my spiral when I quickly realized something.

Outside of the den, it was quiet. Eerily quiet.

Not that it was necessarily typical of any BloodClan cat to get up at the crack of dawn... but at the same time, something felt different.

And for some reason, despite my grogginess, my heavy eyes, my head feeling dull from sleep, and my anxiety and frustration bringing me to want to simply lie down and wallow, I found myself quickly rising from the den floor and bursting out into the BloodClan camp.

And unfortunately, just as I had expected, it practically looked empty. I only could notice a few lingering cats that were still fast asleep, and Gremlin standing guard by the entrance, but that was it.

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