Forever Flying

Chapter 1

I jumped out of my car and headed inside the building.

"Good morning, Mr. Bukater." James, my therapist smiled.

"Hello again." I frowned and we headed into his small office.

The scent of coffee and smoke filled me as I sat down into a leather couch.

"So, are you still having the nightmares." James pulled out his records of me and clicked his pen.

"Yes." I answered briefly.

"And you still think this one girl is still alive?"

"Rose? Yes." I frowned and took a large breath. I tried to keep my sanity and not breakdown again. I couldn't risk another mental episode.

"Listen, I do have something that could help you." James leaned in with a curious brow. "You seem to talk about Rose in the past tense a lot."

"I guess."

"Jack, it's quite simple." He placed his pen down next to him and held his hands together as if he was going to drop some life changing news. "It may seem hard, but you have to let her go." My heart dropped at that thought.

"Let her go?" I repeated slowly.

"Yes, Jack."

Out of nowhere, my hand slammed onto the table.

"Let go of the love of my life?" I shouted and I felt a raging feeling inside me. I took the pen and chucked it at the vase next to his file cabinet and watched it break into a million pieces, just like my heart. "James, she could still be alive. You don't understand what I've been through." I said in a raging voice and began to pace back and forth around his couch with a large wanting for his neck to snap. This time I couldn't gain control of my sanity.

"Jack, please, let's be civil ab-" He trailed off as I let out a scream of desperation and anger. To me, it seemed that the thought of forgetting Rose made a large crack in me. I couldn't bring myself to do so and I'll do anything to bring her back to me. I held my warm face, trying to breath it out and keep myself from harming James.

"James, I think we are done here." I said aggressively and slammed his door as I left for my car.

Once again in my car, I slammed my fist down onto the dash board and left out a desperate cry. I was having another large breakdown and I kept seeing her saddened face with the whistle in her mouth, blowing for help. It was as if she was calling to me to save her and I didn't. It was a heavy burden that never seemed to leave. To forget her was impossible.

For years, I wandered around New York City, and stopped at every redheaded women: asking if she was Rose. It was the same response every time though. A confused face fallowed by a large 'no'. I stopped when I realized how hopeless it was to do so and I let my anger out at alcohol, until I left that state of mind and painted out my feelings. My art brought me my fortune and for once I felt free and happy, but that all came back 2 years ago.

I pulled out my keys and drove off to head back to my home so I can blow off steam. I just wish that, like Fabrizio, I have a picture of her. Perhaps something that reminds me of her, but I had nothing. And it seemed like fate that I still had the picture of my best friend and I. It still was kept in my pant's pocket and stayed there through the whole experience of the tragic sinking.
Back at the mansion, I ran inside with tears pouring down my face. A few butlers asked me if I wanted anything, but I left them in silence.
I headed upstairs to my bedroom and came to a large chest in the corner. Inside was the last memories of that night. My shirt, shoes, and pants that I was wearing that night were all in there. The smell of the Atlantic stained them and I felt some peace. Pulling out the white shirt, I held it with a new feeling of relaxation that it was the past. And that the past can never be forgotten, but it can help make peace with the ones we lost back then.

Images of Rose's wet hair, terrified face, and her lilac dress came into my head. I placed the shirt back and slammed down the top with a large thud. I sighed and sat on the floor. Closing my eyes, I watched as Rose's face grew darker and darker. Her eyes closed and her hair dulled until I saw no trace of her.

"Mr. Bukater?" A butler asked and I slowly stood up.

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?" He frowned and I turned to him.

"I'm fine, leave." I waved my hand and watched him leave into the halls.

I came towards the terrace and watched the Atlantic come onto the shores in small waves.

The sun was high above the clouds and I felt the wind come through me.

Rose petals blew around my feet. Every room in the mansion had at least one rose vase to remind me of my rare, beautiful Rose. The beautiful flower with the thorns. It seemed to describe her so perfectly.

Closing my eyes once more, I remembered when the officer of the Carpathia asked for my name. I wanted to use her last name and perhaps feel as if she is with me. It was a huge risk of using it since her mother could catch me, but I did so without a regret. It was even a greater risk to use my own in case Cal came snooping for me. I went back to that and felt the raindrops fall onto me once more as I stared at the waves below.

"Can I get your name, sir?" The officer asked. It sounded so distant, yet so close. As if it was real, but fantasy. There was truth, but no logic.

"Jack Bukater." I said quickly and watched him walk off into the distance. Scribbling my name down onto the paper.

Coming back to reality, I sighed and headed back inside with the memories filling up inside of me. If only I could go back to the night Rose and I danced in 3rd class and hold her again. If only I could fly with her and kiss her once more. Or perhaps even have kissed her sooner and loved her quicker. Perhaps, spend more time with her.

I will never forget her and never forget to love her. If she jumps, I will jump too.