Ruined

2158. This might be my last attempt, so I guess I'd write down what had happened. Humanity has gone so far. After being able to travel at the speed of light--and even faster--we had explored the space, more than we ever had. We found some other races of in other galaxies.

A couple of galaxies away, there is a race which is really similar with us. But they don't call themselves human, they called themselves ekpyros. Their planet's characteristics was --almost--the same with earth. That's where she's from.

And we discovered that parallel universes exist too. We weren't able to see these other universes because our cosmic vision is limited by the speed of light--the ultimate speed limit. But now that we can travel even faster than the speed of light, we could travel there.

But it was forbidden.

Not that I care that it's forbidden. I'm was going do it anyway.

☁︎

We met at the space academy. Because humans and ekpyroses are similar, the chief tend to put us in the same section.

We fell in love with each other. I fell for her. I love how enthusiastic she was whenever we talk about black holes. I love how she always said that the human food tastes better then ekpyros'. I love how she always saw the positive in every situation.

When we graduated, I promised that I would visit her after achieving my goals, and she promised she'd wait. We kept in contact though, with the technology we had then, it was easy.

But then one day, five months after we graduated, she didn't answer my video call. And she never called back. I finally called a friend of ours, who's also an ekpy, and found out that she died. She was robbed and killed by a male ekpy, when she was on her way home alone at night.

Humans and ekpyroses are similar. Even our scary nature.

☁︎

In the first parallel universe I visited, she didn't go home by herself. She was alive. Happy that she was alive, I decided that I want to stay in this universe instead, so I thought I would have to kill this universe's version of me. And I did. I had to close my eyes when I stabbed myself, it was terrible, but I did it.

I was really happy when I went to call her to tell her that I missed her--even though this universe's version of me probably called her last night--when a man, a male ekpy answered my call and told me that she died last night in an accident.

He said he was her boyfriend.

After that, I realized I've gone too far from the branch, to the point that she wasn't my girlfriend. So I searched for the universes where she is my girlfriend and alive. It wasn't easy, but I found them in the end.

☁︎

After that, my life had been like that. Hoping from this universe to another parallel one, killing the universe's version of me then searching for her and finding her alive. The thing about travelling the parallel universe is you always start not far from the universe's version of you, so I always kill myself first. On my third attempt, I didn't even flinch.

I always found her alive, but she always die. Eventually. Sometimes, she would only last a month, but the other time she'd last for three years--that was the longest time. But she always die.

It's true that I would always find her at the Vroz--it's what the ekpyroses' planet called--but it always felt different. The Vroz in this universe and that universe. It felt like a completely different planet, so I think of them as different ones.

I have been to nine planets--in nine different universes--in 12 years and it's starting to show.

She always died. She was always meant to die.

And I'm dying.

Travelling into parallel universes was forbidden because of a reason. It kills you. Slowly, but for sure. I was dying, physically and mentally.

Mentally because I literally have seen her died, again and again. Not only that, I killed myself too every single time.

My body is failing me. It felt like life has been sucked out of me. Even my vision started to get blurry. That's why I said this might as well be my last attempt.

I had to make a plan to kill this universe's me because I was really weak already. After burying my--his--body, I went straight to the spaceport to go to Vroz.

I hugged her tightly as I always did when I found her alive.

She asked why I looked so pale. I told her I just need more sleep. She was smiling. My vision was blurry and I couldn't see her clearly, but I knew she was smiling. She always smile when she's with me.

☁︎

Some days later, we went to the roof of an abandoned building nearby--her favorite abandoned building. She always liked to lie down on the roof of a tall building at night, looking at the sky. But tonight, we weren't lying down. We were just standing there on the corner, looking down at the beautiful lights beneath us. She said something about Earth, and I nodded and smiled even though I didn't know what she was saying. It was hard for me to hear things now too.

Then she started tickling me.

Laughing, I tickled her back, determined to make her regret she tickled me. She laughed, telling me to stop, but I liked her laugh a lot so I kept doing it.

Then she tripped while laughing, and fell 200 meters below before I could do anything.

And that was the end of me.

I had seen her died, I had killed myself. But I have never killed her.

This paper is already full of writing. So I guess I'd wrap this up by telling her name.

Her name was Athena.

Her parents adored the greek gods from earth as much as she adored our food, so they named her Athena.

She was beautiful.

I folded the paper twice, and let it go. And it flied away towards the city lights beneath. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

If I can't find a world where she's alive, I might as well die trying.

Smiling, I jumped and wished that humanity hadn't found a way to travel to parallel universes or even other planets.

It ruined me.