The Fallen Widow

18. Alone and Vulnerable

"Who's there?"

She was sure there was a presence. Her body shivered with fear and her heart pounded in terror. She ran. She ran as fast as her feet could take her to the darbar and didn't look back.

Today, the fear was present in her body. Her stomach rumbled complaining to her to visit the toilet- but the fear of seeing someone out in the fields paralysed her.

'Someone is there. Someone is waiting for me.'

That night was a long, uncomfortable and hot night. With little ventilation in the room of twelve women the voices of the men next doors boomed through the walls. They were chanting prayers through the night, conversation, sounds of cutlery and laughter.  

***

Returning from an unsuccessful hunt, Shah Nawaz jumped of his horse as he snorted handled by his caretaker. Shah Nawaz took off his shawl and dumped it on the guard who accompanied him. Uzayr and Jahanzaib spent the early hours of the morning with Shah Nawaz and whispered watching his uneasiness.
"How many times do I have to tell you? Keep the arrows razor sharp?" Shah Nawaz vented to the stable workers. Shah Nawaz preferred to use the tradition method of bow and arrow. This helped his focus and keep the animal alive until he slit it's throat. But today he returned empty handed. Taking off his turban the guard took it as he made his way to a tap placed outside the stables and washed his face with cold water.

Jahanzaib combed the coat of the fine horse in awe. It hadn't been long since he was in Jahanpur and spent the day in the fields, in the stables and with villagers. The thought of the city rarely passed his mind. It was the politics of the panchayat and the haveli that weighed him down, there was always something going and games being played. He watched Shah Nawaz stressed, angry and tense and was glad he didn't take the throne of Jahanpur. He wasn't made for that world. He stroked the hose and found peace in that moment.

The day Meh'r-Bano announced she was leaving for a spiritual retreat and leaving the haveli was still on his mind. It had been two days but he was ridden with anger. His mother prohibited him to have a say.
"What I do with the maids is none of your business!" Shahgul retaliated when Shah Nawaz confronted her about Meh'r-Bano working in the fields.
"She is here for the children- to teach them!"
"No one in Jahanpur needs to learn. If I want my grandchildren to learn to read and write I will send them out of Jahanpur. There is nothing special about Meh'r-Bano." She stared into his eyes trying to read his angry silence.
"She won't be back- she will spend fourteen days at Peer Haider's haveli." Said Shahgul melting Shah Nawaz's face. "Why?" He grit his teeth.
"Why does every barren woman go to peer Haider?" Now Shahgul smirked as they exchanged their emotions.
Shah Nawaz's hands clasped into fists. His body froze with anger. Meh'r-Bano spending fourteen days with Peer Haider? His heart pounded with anger.

Uzayr's stern voice penetrated through Shah Nawaz thoughts at the stables. Perched on a wooden stool Shah Nawaz clasped a silver glass of cool sherbet.
"Your mind was not in the hunt." Uzayr watched his uncle standing over him. "Your target was pathetic. Where is your mind?"

Shah Nawaz drained the steel glass in one go, he necked it down and threw the steel glass aside and wiped his wet mouth with the back of his hand. His shirt moist with sweat, his face damp with water he couldn't waste his time any longer. Two days had passed. 
"Where are you going?" Uzayr followed him knowing where he was headed. He'd stopped his uncle from appearing at the darbar last night, but he was still adamant.
"You can't go and break the sacred laws of the darbar." Uzayr stood in his way. "You will be cursed."
"I am the chief of Jahanpur." Shah Nawaz punched his chest with gusto. "I make the rules- I break the rules. I cannot allow Meh'r-Bano to spend one more night there there!" His eyes were red with anger.
"You are not her owner! You are not her husband! You must stay out of this or else it will spell a scandal!" Uzayr was passionate about laws of the land especially when it came to holy darbar.
"You are the chief of Jahanpur, how would it look you going to the darbar dragging a married woman from there?! If the panchayat hear of this-" At this point Uzayr had to push back his uncle away from the guards and the stable workers. "You must not get involved!" he raised his index finger  asking his fear that reared it's ugly head. 

Shah Nawaz pushed his nephew away. Since he learned she was with that evil man, he couldn't rest, he couldn't sleep. He knew what the so called Peer Haider was capable of. This wasn't no spiritual retreat. It was a trap. Meh'r-Bano wasn't safe. 

***

By day three Meh'r-Bano was a shadow of the woman she once was. Little sleep, poor diet, spending majority of the day indoors away from daylight her mind played tricks on her. Shafiq didn't come as he promised. She spend most of the day reading from the holy Quran until her throat was dry. The water metallic, it didn't taste like water. The women spoke little as the room leader kept an eye on the women. In the evening they would be called to spend the evening with the holy man and pray in his shadow- so far Meh'r-Bano wasn't called and she feared her name being called out. After the evening meal of bland lentils, rock hard rice, they received a bonus tonight; a glass of salty lassi. The women went collectively to the toilets to wash and complete ablution for the late night prayer. Meh'r-Bano felt safety in numbers – alone she feared a mysterious presence.
It was then that evening when the head woman called Meh'r-Bano out in front of the room of twelve women.
"After prayers, you will be blessed with time with Peer saab. Make sure your heart is clear of what you want. Pray hard. He will pray for you. Allah listens to his prayers more than sinful people like you."
Meh'r-Bano froze. Fear ran through her spine.

"Alone?"

The woman glared at her and raised her eyebrow. Meh'r-Bano bowed her head embarrassed about the questions she asked. Women were privileged to sit with the holy man, how could she question it? But she couldn't go- the women were called into the room late at night, alone and wouldn't return until hours later. They'd silently lay down and fall asleep. Her mind was fighting millions of thoughts and worries.

It was at that moment she closed her eyes and silently prayed.

'Oh Allah. You are the Lord of the Universe. You are The All Merciful. Protect me tonight My Lord, protect me from the hands of evil and sin. I'm alone in this world, there is no one to love and protect me. I have no one to turn to or ask apart from you. Help me, my Lord! Release me from this ignorance. Help me, my Lord. Save me!"

Covering her eyes with her hands, she softly sobbed in the corner of the room knowing tonight would be the difficult night of her life. The women watched her and nodded approvingly, she was submitting to the rules of the Darbar.

It wasn't until later that night Meh'r-Bano was tugged from her sleep and called to go to the leave the women's quarter to spend time with Peer Haider in prayer.
"Hurry hurry. Peer Saab has little time. Hurry!"

Quickly, Meh'r-Bano jumped to her feet, her head in a fog. She grabbed her black chawl and followed the head woman. The rest of the women slept, some fidgeting, others snoring and now comfortable with little. They walked out into the courtyard and out into the fields.

Something didn't feel right. Meh'r-Bano chest tightened, her head felt light and she felt dizzy barely able to stand up straight. Outside it was pitch black she could barely see the woman whom she was supposed to follow. She wasn't sure how she made it into the private quarters of Peer Haider, it was the sudden smoky smell of incense that struck her that made her open her eyes. But her vision was blurry. There was a figure. A man dressed in black. A long wide beard holding beaded tasbeeh in his right hand making his way towards her. The room spinning around her. She held the wall to stay upright.

"Ass-saalaam-" Her words slurred. She blinked slowly and hard trying to focus. The smell of the room struck her head and now her head was pounding.
"She is the girl." Said the old woman. "Meh'r-Bano. You requested."

Peer Haider approached the woozy Meh'r-Bano chanting under his breath. One slow step after another. He took a deep breath breathing in her scent. The chador slipped from her head and at that point the old woman left the room. Meh'r-Bano was alone in the room.

Peer Haider took his phone out of his pocket. He pressed the mobile to his ear and announced.
"I have her. Come."
The room was spinning. Darkness blanketed her eyes. Meh'r-Bano fell to the ground. She couldn't make sense of anything. What was happening?

***
 Author's Note:

Hope you enjoyed the episode. 

Next Update: Tomorrow.