💗tsukana💙

Why..?

⚠️this chapiter is not for sensitive persons⚠️
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Tsutako pov

Kanae was cuddling me and was trying to take care of me the days after that but I wasn't really in a good mood..I was feeling...empty..like something left me that day..everyone was looking at me with pity in there eyes..my room was now a mess I didn't had the energy to do anything just lay down and sleep..I know that Kanae was worry about me but it's okay...Im okay...

Kanae:tsu...
Tsutako:mmh?
Kanae:I have a mission...I have to go..
Tsutako:okay...
Kanae:if you want to I can ask tanjiro to stay with you at home..
Tsutako:no need for that..
Kanae:you sure?
Tsutako:yeah..
Kanae:okay then...good bye

I was now alone at home..all by my own,I was feeling so bad but I couldn't speak..I was speechless...after a moment I thought to myself
That maybe a bath could get me to feel better..I really hope so..I get out of the bed and start to go in the bathroom...I then start to undress myself and get in the bath pretty quickly.I slowly close my eyes to finally relax and finally get some peace in my mind but then I open my eyes again and...see something...
A razor was right next to me..he was standing there like he was begging me to use him..I take him in my hand and look at my arm..I look at my arm for a few seconds until I zone out..after a few seconds I feel that my arm hurt and  then I realized that the razor had made some cuts on my arm..it hurt a lot but...even if that was hurting I wanted more..I wanted to feel more pain..I wanted to know the pain that my brother was going trough before passing away..
I wasn't there for him so it's my fault if he's gone..and now I can't do anything about it..I deserve this pain...1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 I dont count anymore how many cuts that I made with this razor...Kanae was returning form mission only tomorrow so I have the time to hide the cuts....at this moment I just wanted to die..I wanted to disappear form the Hell and get in peace with my family.....finally be happy..

I get out of the bath and clean my arm..the blood was everywhere but iv'e cleaned it pretty quickly I then take one of kanae's haori's with long sleeves and go back in the bed.I was ignoring the pain in my arm because doing this made me felt free like everything was nothing,now I know why my brother was doing that it's so good...I want more I don't care anymore...I just want to be with him,I just want to be.....

Gone