The Bloody Shores of Maine

In the waters off the shores of Maine

Lives a creature so profane

The look of it alone would drive one insane

And the courage of the bravest men would wane.

All along the shores of Maine

On the rocks there are bloody stains

For many men the creature’s slain.

And long has its terror reigned. 

Oh, these bloody shores of Maine.

Will they ever be regained

No one knows from where this monster came

Or why for man it holds such disdain

Then one day along a shore of Maine

Stood a woman named Elaine

Standing out there in the rain

She said, “Tch, my husband’s such a pain.” 

Then from those waters off the shores of Maine

Up came the creature once again

And exercising some restrain

Bellowed the woman named Elaine,

saying,

“Dammit Tagirok, I told you I was going to visit my mother on land for two weeks and here you go killing people and shit because you’re all jealous thinking I’m cheating on you and just because I don’t return your phone calls in like two seconds you have to come up from the bottom of the sea and stalk me and kill every man you meet because you think he’s my lover and by the way who the hell is watching the kids!!!? So cut your shit and I’ll be home tomorrow like I said already you fuckin’ idiot. I love you!” 

(Poet’s note: Elaine is a half land human-half mermaid who is married to the creature)