Everything I've Wanted (ellie the whale x fem oc)

Chapter 14- Bloody Palms

Heather didn't know how to handle sadness. It was an emotion that she was once able to feel and let out healthily. But ever since Aspen's passing it just seemed impossible. Every time she felt that sinking feeling in her stomach along with tears starting to flood her eyes she felt more and more pathetic, as if she had no right to feel that way. There was always a reason why Heather couldn't allow herself to feel sad. And in this situation she wasn't allowed to cry because she had to be the anchor for everyone. Liz, Ellie, and Eve were all falling apart around her and she needed to hold them up. Charlie was no longer there to be the family's foundation so she had to assume that role.

So, as the tears ran down her face, she grew frustrated with herself. What the hell is wrong with her? She couldn't be crying, not now. Not when she was the one who had to hold everyone's heads high and keep them from crumbling into themselves. This wasn't what Heather had prepared for; all week, she had been drilling it into her mind that she would not be the one crying. Who cares how heartless she might appear, as long as she was the one remaining strong and helping everyone else.

When Liz had walked into the guest room and left Heather all alone the older Keaton didn't waste any time. She marched towards the tallest shelf that only she could reach and pulled out the half empty bottle of whiskey that had resided there. Heather twisted open the cap and drank straight from the bottle, she slightly grimaced as the bitter tasting burn ran down her throat.

A part of her felt disappointed that this was her outlet for her extreme feeling of weakness, but she was too caught up in her anger at herself for being weak to stop drinking. There was a tension weighing down on her shoulders; the faintest pressure poking at her, a constant reminder of it being there. Heather drank another sip in hopes of putting it at bay for just a moment. She prayed that it could take away some of that stiffness and bring her a sense of relaxation. Heather had always vowed not to become a borderline alcoholic like her parents, but hey; like father, like daughter.

The small sips she took from the bottle quickly turned into large gulps as she adjusted to the taste. The fuzziness and momentary numbness brought a sense of solace and peace to the older girl. The more she drank the lighter her body felt but there always seemed to be a weight bringing her down. A drowning feeling seemed to always find its place in her heart no matter how much she drank. And Heather had tried to drink it away.

The bottle was finished in no time but Heather didn't feel any better. She needed more. She needed that feeling to go away. It was eating her alive and the only way she could stop it was by drinking more and more.

It was her fault. If Heather had been stronger and been the person her family could lean on this wouldn't have happened. She was the person that was supposed to protect her younger sister. They had just been disowned and Charlie had just died so now it was only Heather and Liz left to parent the girl.

As Heather searched for another drink a moment of pure silence occurred and she felt the world eating her up. The only noise that could be heard was Heather's own thoughts. She felt slightly embarrassed that it took an immense amount of alcohol to stop her from crying. Heather felt like she needed to be stronger, she should be able to not cry due to her own will and not some stupid fucking drink.

Heather then suddenly remembered who would've been there for her in a moment's notice if given the chance. Aspen would've been there to hold her and help Heather not let her overwhelming sadness turn into a dangerous amount of anger. The love of her life would've whispered sweet nothings in her ears, telling her it was ok to cry and she was safe. Heather would've cuddled closer to Aspen and allowed herself to relax and feel complete peace.

But Aspen wasn't there and Heather didn't feel that sense of safety. And it wasn't just that but the only person who shared her struggles had just died too. Charlie was the only person who had a single clue about what Heather went through. Of course, it was more intense for Charlie but it felt nice to have someone to talk to about it. Heather found support in Charlie as she blamed herself for the death of her best friend. But just like Aspen he had left her and threw gasoline into that burning anger inside her.