Queen of Hearts (editing)

Chapter 25 - Do I deserve to be loved?

The snow crunches beneath her feet as the bridge comes into view. It had fallen just before Christmas, covering over Hogwarts and the surrounding hillsides like a white blanket. No doubt to disappear soon as the sun forces its way through every break in the cloud. Harry stands on the bridge alone, leaning against the handrail as he looks out to the gorge beneath.
She greets him with a simple hello. At New Year, he said that he had figured the golden egg out and was trying to work through the clue, which he wouldn't disclose. The next task is two weeks away and it's daunting. She can't aid Harry if he doesn't tell her what the clue is. If he even knows what it is.
"Ready to tell me yet?"
She comes to a stop next to him, leaning her hands on the cold, metal railing.
He lets out a deep sigh as he rubs his temples with his knuckles.  "To be brutally honest with you," Harry starts off, moving his body from the barrier to face her. "I haven't figured it out yet." she guessed as much.
"Harry, you told me you had figured the egg out days ago. The next task is only two weeks away!" She groans.
"Really? I had no idea." He responds sarcastically, leaning his elbows on the bridge once more.
"You are trying to figure this egg out, aren't you?" She quizzes him and he squints disapprovingly behind his glasses. "Whats that supposed to mean?"
"I mean," she sighs, uncertain how Harry of all people cannot understand the importance of his life. "These tasks are a brutal test, Harry. They're almost unforgiving. And truthfully, I'm scared for you. You barely got by the dragon and that was with my help, by the way." she lets out a light laugh, but the seriousness of it dawns on her immensely. "I'm just not sure that my help alone is going to be enough this time."
"Yeah, me neither." Harry grimaces as he pushes away from the railing, disappearing along the bridge, probably now contemplating that in fourteen days, he could possibly die.
Her fathers words swirl through her head once more, motioning her to move and follow Harry, but Cedric calls out for him. What more can she do for him?

                                           ***

"I think I'll stay in the castle today." She waves the book in her hands as Katie and Alicia prepare for their trip to Hogsmeade.
Her last trip to Hogsmeade was...uncomfortable to say the least, given her companion's affinity for trouble. Even if he doesn't mean it. Trouble will always follow him, like a tiger to its prey, cunning, sneaking around. Pouncing unexpectedly.
"Are you sure?" Alicia asks as she drapes her bag over her shoulder.
She nods.
Harry's admission of being unable to figure out the egg has been like a heavy weight over her soul.
"Bring me back some chocolate though, please!" She exclaims.
They laugh as they wave, exiting through the door and she makes her way to the library, a place of solitude and calmness where she can read without interruption.
The green hardback novel rests on the table as it stares back, her fingers drumming against the wooden arm of the chair. Her mind is racing too quickly to focus on the book. It's golden writing shimmers from the flickering lantern beside her, the title reading: Between The Two Of Us. A book pertaining to two young lovers, trapped in their mundane, muggle lives whilst battling the horrors that life throws in their way. How relatable.
"You've been practicing." Her body jumps in the chair as her fingers hit hastily against the underside of the hardwood table.
"Ahh, shit!" She waved her hand in the air as a stinging sensation ripples up towards her wrist.
She doesn't need to glance over her shoulder to recognise his voice, simply watching as he passes by her side, reaching out for the chair on the opposite side of the table.
"Oh, shit, sorry." He grimaces, looking to her hand with sorrow.
"Gee thanks." She inspects her hand, a slight tinge of redness appearing on the skin when she flex's her fingers in and out.
"You okay?" He asks quietly, leaning in to the table with his arms outstretched.
His hair lays messily on his head, as though unbrushed as his shirt sticks out from beneath his dark green Slytherin jumper. She nods, averting her eyes from his body.
"What did you say to me just there? I've been practicing?"
"Your occulmency?" He questions, his eyebrows raising in conjunction with his words.
She shakes her head. Truthfully, it hasn't been a consideration in her mind over the last few days, given that Mattheo hadn't made any passing comments recently.
"Hmm." Mattheo responds, his eyebrows now furrowed down as he focuses on her. "Yeah, I can't read you at all. I've been struggling ever since Christmas."
"Are you saying you've been actively trying to read my mind, Mattheo?" She scowls playfully at him, but the thought does something to her insides as they spark.
"What can I say? I like the way your mind works." Mattheo winks as her cheeks tinge. Even if he didn't mean it, if it's not his true intention, he knows how his flirtatious words affect her. Even those that are blind could see it.
"Maybe you're just not as good as you think." She jibes.
"Mm, I don't think so." He shakes his head. "Anyway, where's my scarf?"
"Safe." She replied. "Do you want it back?"
"Hmm, not if you want to keep it." Mattheo responds quietly with a smirk. "For now."
His presence unnerves her, making her shift uncomfortably in the seat as she reaches out for the book.
"What are you reading?" He asks curiously.
"Just some muggle book. A lost romance between two lovers, who turn enemies into strangers and it repeats itself over and over." She mumbles, placing it on her thighs to hide the title. He'll probably dismiss it as some romance, girlish novel. A trivial waste of time. "What uhm, why are you in the library on a Saturday?"
"I could ask you the same thing." His eyebrows raise again.
"Just... thinking." She replies.
"About?" Another question leaves his mouth.
"Stuff."
"Stuff?"
"Yeah, stuff."
Mattheo chuckles loudly, igniting a warmth within her as it echoes throughout the library.
"Shhh." She laughs back, her body slowly relaxing in his presence. "You'll get us kicked out!"
"If you want a good book recommendation, I highly recommend 'Loves me, Loves me not.' Another muggle book for you." Mattheo sits up in his seat, his back straightening.
"Never took you as a stickler for romance." she laughs at his suggestion.
Mattheo, the humble son of a mass murderer, suggesting a romance novel to her. Who would've thought?
"It's more than a romance novel, it's a real life story, much like yours, of two people lost on a journey to find themselves, to find each other." Mattheo's smile vanishes when he speaks. "It's interesting how books can really speak to you, make you think of your own life and how it weaves in to your own situations." Silence befalls them for a moment as his wise sounding words sink in to her mind. Is he... going through that right now?
She hesitates to reply, uncertain if she's willing to hear the answer. "Are you, uhm.." she coughs away the awkward tinge in her throat. "Are you currently in that situation?"
Mattheo furrows his brows downwards, hiding away his eyes as he tilts his head.
"I'm not sure." He replies quietly. "Maybe."
The tension between the words they spout to one another is almost unbearable as they both raise their heads, looking to one another at the same time.
"I..." she stumbles over her words. With a tight smile, she grasps onto her book. "I wish you the best of luck with it. Your situation, I mean. You're a wonderful person Mattheo, anyone who doesn't see that is missing out."
She rises from the seat, only turning back when Mattheo's hand grasps onto hers, halting her in my tracks.
"The same goes for you, Emilia." Mattheo's head raises upwards as he remains in his seat. "And if he doesn't see that, he doesn't deserve you."
His voice is distant in her ears as his thumb traces along the top of her hand. His touch is warm, tingling almost as she returns the grip around his fingers. She knows who he means, and he knows it too.
"Thanks." She chokes out, forcing her thoughts to the back of her mind. "See you around, Mattheo."
The chill of the outside air cools her heated skin as she wanders the castle grounds, book in hand. The grounds are quiet, only a few students milling around. The snow is melting now, only slush and muck left to show for it, the green grass underneath slowly poking through to provide a bit of colour within the whiteness of the world.
"Miss Halloway!" She recognises Professor Sinistra's voice before the teacher turns the corner.
Her black robe floats graciously around her as she walks forward.
"Your permission slip for the trip?" She asks.
The trip. Damn, she almost forgot.
"Uh yes, sorry. My father sent it by owl last week, did you not get it?" She lies through her teeth.
Professor Sinistra announced just before Christmas that Astronomy students will be heading to a field trip, but a permission slip, signed by a legal guardian must be provided.
"No, hence my query." The professor chuckles. "You are a bright student, Emilia. I expect good things from you on this trip."
"Sure." She sighs. "I'll make sure you have it by next week."
As the teacher walks away, Mattheo's words in the library do little to ease the ache in her muscles - 'he doesn't deserve you'. Is she a good person? Really?
Does she deserved to be loved? By anyone? After everything she's done this year?