ɪ ᴊᴜsᴛ sᴇᴇ ʏᴏᴜ - 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐨 𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞

𝐂𝐇𝐏 𝟐𝟗 - Attempts

Fear and betrayal are nasty sores that never scab over, staying the harsh wounds they were when inflicted to constantly remind its host of its presence; in others, in themselves. It's rooted deep into the soul and holds on with a mighty grip, waiting, festering. Until someone or something threatens it, causing it to tear at its host as punishment for being so open, so naive. Securing itself further into the persons identity until only it controls every action and decision made.

It's everywhere.

Always.

Forever watching.

Forever staring.

Forever there.

"Y/n stop being paranoid." Theodore snapped at her with the same bitchy tone he always possessed, only this time it was more concentrated. More potent. His eyes narrowed and eyes judgemental, adding to the cruel switch he made in his voice. Y/n glared at him and came to the conclusion that something about what she said ticked him off. The twitching brow, subtle shake in his arm telling her he was clenching his fists; it made her want to stab at him more.

"Then lift up your sleeve."

Her face said it all, the spiteful gleam in her blistering eyes, the leaning in to rub every grain of salt into whatever wounds he had. Y/n in that moment wanted Theodore, whether he was a death eater or not, to panic. To sweat. To stress like she was stressing, only for different reasons.

The implication of her five words wasn't lost in every face of her surrounding friends, everyone knew what she meant and shock accompanied her behaviour.

Snapes speech was over, Y/n hadn't been listening, people were getting up from their tables as hunger wasn't really on their minds right now. Y/n got up with the masses, pushed her plate forward and took her leave. Fears eyes didn't only follow her down the isles from within her peripheral vision, but another set of obsidian ones.

After all, he wasn't done with her yet.

-

It wasn't a surprise to Y/n when the seat next to her was filled in potions that day, her eyes down on the textbook and lacked the attention Mattheo wanted from her. Slughorn spouted his usual lesson lecture about what potions they would be studying in the first term with his wary voice, but she only paid him half a mind. All her priorities were to get through the lessons, tests, get through the year and graduate.

Y/n had to make it out; to start something, start a life she wanted.

"Can you stop ignoring me?"

His voice rang in her ears, the tones bounced around her head as Y/n could feel him staring at her. Her fingers brushed the textbooks's edge and flipped it open, gliding them across the aged words with an odd concentration. All in attempt to hold her focus away from him. Y/n hoped he would eventually give up, maybe then she could articulate herself better.

"I told you I wouldn't stop trying. I'm not going to leave you alone."

You already did.

Her voice was dryer in her mind, creating a sandy texture in her mouth even when the words didn't leave her head. Y/n despite wishing she was a forgiving person, held grudges. Ones that affected her in a way that made her palms sweat and mind desire to scream at those who've wronged her in her eyes. Breaking her trust was one of the worst.

Mattheo sat beside her with furrowed brows, wanting her to look at him when he spoke. To know he didn't have a choice. To know so many things that bothered him every time he thought about it; all of his thoughts on the tip of his tongue and yet they refused to fall.

And yet, she knew he hated being ignored the most.

"At least acknowledge my existence? A look, fucking anything?" Mattheo let out a harsh plea.

His hand twitched on the bench, wanting to make her look at him, turn her around so that she was forced to. And yet he didn't. Mattheo wanted her to look at him, but a prick of something in the depths of his mind made him hesitate. Instead swiping his hand into his lap and turning his head away, a frown etched into his lips and a furrow in his eyebrow. Mattheo despite being rejected of her attention, wasn't going to give up his presence.

And he didn't. The rest of the lesson, he went through the textbook as instructed by the lesson plan, moved her pages too. When he moved his side of the table, Mattheo made sure Y/n's was the same. Making his presence known, even if she wouldn't talk to him.

Y/n kept herself staring at her textbook most of the time, occasionally glanced over to the side of the room opposite to Mattheo for a change in scenery. Two stubborn bodies fighting to keep their own determinations in play.

It was only until another student across from her asked if they had any spare pine leaves did Y/n finally speak; her voice quiet and reserved. Mattheo's eyes glued to his potions partner as he watched the exchange with precision and attentive eyes, hearing the conversation and taking the opportunity to make his move.

Just as Y/n was about to reach for the leaves, Mattheo swiped them himself and handed them to Y/n; catching her eyes for a moment. It was only a second, but it was something. Mattheo smiled at her. Close lipped but it was intentional. Y/n took the leaves and diverted her eyes, passing them to the other student before looking back down to her textbook with ambivalence. The boy tilting his head and leaning over, gazing at her with intention and certainty.

"I like it when you look at me."

His words threw a wrench into Y/n's thought process, finally looking up with surprise dancing in her eyes that swirled with tens of differing emotions. It was all jumbled. Y/n glanced at his face with that shock prevalent throughout her expression, making the boy chuckle at it.

"There you are." Mattheo said.

Y/n's face scrunched up in a small moment of confusion at his response, the feel of his words was different than before. Just like when she spoke to him this morning, what he said when she wished she wasn't listening.

'I came back to check on you.'

It was so strange to Y/n, but what she fought with most was how it affected her. How he could mess up her head so easily with his plain words, simple but so aggravatingly effective.

"Why would you say that?" Y/n grumbled.

"Would you rather me lie?" He responded with a shrug of his shoulders and smoothing out his lips into his usual smirk. Y/n turning her head away and crossed her arms over her table, rested her head on them and released a sigh; one of the many that she had trapped in her lungs.

"So annoying."

"You love it."

"Stop."

"Nah."

Y/n huffed and buried her head further into her arms, while Mattheo chuckled beside her. Laying his own arms on the table and watching her, mimicking her posture and rested his head on his forearm. He wondered about her. So many things. He thought a lot about things even if he didn't show it.

Mattheo often thought about her. And it was becoming something that would concern him in its own way, why his mind wondered back to her h/c haired head and e/c coloured eyes. More so why they looked so dull.

He didn't know how much time he had, but he knew it wouldn't come easily. But the more Mattheo thought about it, the more he knew he'd have to be patient.

And little did either of them know, that a clock was slowly ticking away; waiting for the hands to meet in absolute chaos.

A/n: back from the dead, my writers block is fucking me over so hard. Any and all inspiration is welcome, come hang out in the comments.

I seriously love you all for being so patient with my shitty uploading schedule, for real my saving grace is you guys 😭🫶🏻

Let me know your thoughts and maybe even drop your Y/n descriptions, I'm always curious to what people think about when reading <3