RB Battles... But it's just wacky scenarios

CPR Training

Mr. Boringsworth: So, assessing the situation. Are they breathing?

DJ: No, Boringsworth. They are not breathing. This practice dummy doesn't have no arms or legs.

Mr. Boringsworth: No, that's not part of it.

DJ: You know what? If we come across somebody with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean, what kind of quality of life do we have here?

Denis: I would want to live with no legs.

DJ: How about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now, Denis. You don't do anything.

Mr. Boringsworth: All right, well, lets get back to it, cause you're losing him. Everyone, we need to pump at a pace of a 100 beats per minute.

DJ: Okay, that's hard to keep track. How many is that per hour?

Pinkleaf: How's that gonna help you?

DJ: I will divide and then count to it.

Pinkleaf: Right...

Mr. Boringsworth: Okay. Well, a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that song?

DJ: Yes, yes I do. I love that song.

DJ: 🎶First I was afraid, I was petrified.🎶

Mr. Boringsworth: No, it's 🎶Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.🎶

DJ: Okay, got it.

DJ: 🎶Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive. 🎶

[Others join in.]

Everyone: 🎶Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.🎶

Russo: 🎶Oh you can tell by the way I use my walk I'm a woman's man, no time to talk. Music loud, women warm, been kicked around since I was born. Oh, it's alright, it's okay, you can look the other way! 🎶

Everyone: 🎶Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.🎶

Mr. Boringsworth: Yeah, okay. You didn't maintain 100 beats per minute, and the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911. So you lost him.

Albert: Okay, he's dead. Anyone know what we do next?

Denis: I have no idea.

Albert: Anyone else?

Sabrina: We bury him?

Albert: Wrong. Check for an organ donor card. If he has one, we have minutes to harvest.

Jackeryz: He has no wallet, I checked. He is an organ donor.

Albert: Of course he is.

Albert: Now get me some ice and a styrofoam bucket.

[Albert pulls out a knife from a holder that's attached to his leg.]

Albert: Here we go.

[Albert then stabs the dummy with the knife.]

Megan: What— What are you doing?!

Albert: We search for the organs. Where's the heart? The precious heart???

[Moments later...]

Bella: OH MY GOD!

[Albert cuts off the face of the CPR dummy and puts it over his own.]

Albert: D̸o̶ ̵y̷o̵u̶ ̴w̵a̴n̵t̴ ̴t̵o̸ ̴p̷l̵a̶y̸ ̴a̸ ̶g̷a̷m̵e̸?̵

Tanqr: ALBERT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!

Kreek: Could you tell me why you had to cut the face off the dummy?

Albert: I didn't think it was realistic in most horror movies. And it turns out, it's pretty realistic.

Kreek: Dude. We had to pay for it. Boringsworth just told us it costs thirty five hundred robux.

Albert: Thirty five hundred robux for a dummy? Wow.

Kreek: Okay, look. This is why we have training. We start with the dummy, and we learn from our mistakes. And now you know not to cut the face off of a real person.