Disassociated

Dissasociated

When it starts happening I know it can't stop
I look around feeling my heart pumping in my ears, slow but loud.
I look around, everything seems like it's in slow motion, time stops and sounds start meshing together into one low hum.
I feel every nerve in my body start levitating, and all of a sudden I'm not there.
This haze of a ghost is looking back at me, my panic stricken face pale.
It's almost like a drug, I'm not there, I'm not real.
This life, this body, this reality doesn't fit, it doesn't make sense.
I'm trudging around my own mind trying to make sense of it.
All feeling in my body meshes together into one ball of nothing.
My heart beat radiates to my toes, my fingertips, my ears.
I'm just sitting there, frozen in time, detached from my body.
For that period of time there exists this pure nothingness, it's scary at first this displacement of reality and loss of self, but it's also comforting.
Once you move past the fear it's just blank, there's no worry, no sadness no anything just existing.
I guess that's why people do drugs right? To have those few moments of lull, of clarity.
It's almost like your bodies self induced drug, when your brain just can't do it, it can't process or cope it just *snap* turns off.
It sounds bad but sometimes I long for those few moments, where I'm hovering above myself, floating in this new reality while time ceases to exist.