If Without You | Seongjoong

Feel

"And when I tell you how hot he looked! Hyung, he was flawless! Magneficent! Just perfect", Choi San swarmed, left hand clawing at the shirt on top of his heart.

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, seating himself onto the couch as well. It was late Sunday afternoon and instead of finishing up some work in the office he found himself in his best friends' appartement.

"Thus I just had to ask him if he would like to go on a date with me" San suddenly faced Seonghwa, eyes shining "and he said yes! So, Hyung, guess who has a date this friday!"

"I'm happy for you. He seems like a nice guy. Jung Wooyoung, you said?" The younger nodded, proceeding to lay down again.

"You'll will like him. I'm pretty sure he's the one" Seonghwa laughed in response, gently combing through San's hair. His head was now resting on Seonghwa's thights and the older didn't mind.

"Don't expect too much. I don't want you to get hurt."

"But he seems so lovely!"

"I bet he does"

"Hyung"

A pillow made contact with Seonghwa's face.

"How is it with your dad? Is he still mad about the fact that you're not straight?" San's face turned towards the older, his eyes searching the others.

"He is still mad, yeah. I thought he somehow calmed down but a few days ago he invited an artist over - who's also gay" Seonghwa smiled sadly, eyes trained onto the greyish carpet beneath the couch. "You can imagine how it went down"

"An artist? Kim Hongjoong, the one you told me about?"

"Yes, him"

"The one you are developing a crush at?"

A pillow made contact with San's face, but he just giggled. "Don't tell me you stood up for him, like any future boyfriend would do. Big and strong-mmf" Seonghwa clasped a hand over San's mouth, huffing out a small laugh.

"If you want to see it like that, sure. I just didn't want Hongjoong to get hurt by my father's words. You know how he gets"

"You", San started as Seonghwa removed his hand finallly "You're simping for an artist. I thought you were done with them for good"

San's eyes turned soft after noticing the change in Seonghwa's expression. "I'm sorry", he mumbled "It must be hard for you to talk about that"

"It's been years. Shouldn't I be over it by now?"

San proceeded to throw his arms around the olders neck, ultimately making him lay down whilst he laid on top of him with his upper body. "Don't say that. I know how hard it was on you and if you're not willing to build a relationship again don't force yourself to have one. And that's completely fine. Some things might never change after all"

Seonghwa rested his arms around San, one of his hands crawling the others head again who let out some soft mumbling in response.

Seonghwa was scared. Scared to lose himself again. Hongjoong made his heart flutter, just thinking about him was enough to make him smile unintentionally. The blonde was utterly beautiful, inside and out.

He loved how the other would giggle whenever something made him excited, the way his eyes were telling stories everytime they would look into Seonghwa's, stealing the older's breath with every passing second.

How was he supposed to face the other tomorrow morning again?

"Just don't hide, Hyung. Don't forbid your heart to feel"

"I won't"

But deep down Seonghwa knew that he would fail.