Promise

Chapter 28

I nodded and headed for the bathroom. I had a huge knot in my stomach and in the back of my throat. I wanted to breakdown and cry but there was no time for that and my dad's patience with me this morning was already thin. I got myself ready as fast as I could and eventually my dad and I were in his car driving to my school.

The ride was silent. I stole a glance at my dad trying to read his face. He looked distracted and at one point I had to tell him a red light was coming up since he still had his foot on the gas.

"Are you okay, Dad?" I asked.

"No, I'm not okay," my dad responded. I expected him to say more but the car went quiet again until we pulled up to the front of the school building. "Make sure your brother takes you home today. And don't make any plans for later, I'm taking you down to the police station."

I nodded, silently telling my dad I understood. I didn't even bother asking why we were going to the police station, I already knew the answer. He wanted to go file for another restraining order. It made me nervous to think about and a part of me didn't want to but I knew not to tell my dad that.

I hugged myself as I made my way towards the entrance, wishing I'd just stayed in bed.

***

As usual, school was a drag even if I was late. It was barely the end of third period as I made my way to my locker to grab my statistics textbook. I shut my locker and when I turned around to head in the direction of my next class, I nearly collided with Jay.
"Hey," he said.
There were still people in the hallway as they made their way to class and because of this I didn't want to be seen talking to Jay. It would only open another narrative about me. Jay on the other hand could care less at causing any sort of scene.
"Can we talk?" He asked.
"I need to go to class," I said.
"Meet me behind the bleachers later."
"Why?" I asked warily.
"I just want to talk to you and I promise I'll leave you alone." Jay looked at me with a sincere and hopeful expression.
Maybe talking to Jay for a little would be a good idea. It seemed all he wanted to ever do is talk to me and I hardly gave him the time of day. I'd handled myself fine the last few times I'd run into him but I was still cautious about what his intentions were.
"Fine," I said.
Jay smiled softly.
"Okay come after class," he said.
I nodded and proceeded down the hallway in a hurry. Of course during class I couldn't concentrate as I was too busy contemplating whether or not to actually meet up with Jay. A part of me was curious to see what he wanted to talk about but another part of me couldn't help but worry for my safety after all the tricks Jay had pulled in the past.
Once class ended, I made my way outside of the school building towards the football field. By the time I got to the bleachers I was shivering. Jay wasn't here yet and with it being cold out no P.E classes occupied the field. I realized it would just be me an Jay out here once he showed up. I stepped closer to the fence looking out towards the field, reliving the happy moments I'd once had when the school year started. Going to the games, cheering, seeing Jay play. Life had been so good at one point.
"I didn't think you'd show up," Jay said from behind me.
I turned around, trying not to appear jumpy at his arrival. Jay had his hands in his pockets, looking just as cold as I was even though he was wearing his letterman jacket. I'd forgotten how good he looked in it. I tried not to pay attention to his looks, mainly focusing on his actions and his facial expressions.
"What did you want to talk about?" I asked wanting to get to the point.
"I wanted to apologize for what I did," Jay said. "For going to your house and leaving you those flowers. I thought you'd like it."
"They were a bit much. And you went inside when no one was there."
"I know and I'm sorry. Thanks for not telling anyone."
Chris was only aware of the flower bouquet that Jay had left on our porch. The other batch of flowers he left on my bed, I made sure to dispose of discreetly.
"It's okay as long as you don't do that anymore," I said. I crossed my arms over my chest. "And you shouldn't be showing up at my house period. I saw you this morning talking to my dad."
"I just was worried when you didn't leave for school with Chris-." Jay stopped himself, probably noticing he was basically admitting to keeping his eyes on me even though I was already well aware. I always got the feeling I was being watched but Jay was never in sight. The restraining order I'd be filing later seemed like it would be pointless if Jay clearly had no intentions of ever following it.
I stared at Jay, studying his face.
"How have you been? Like with your dad and stuff," I found myself asking him.
"Things with my dad have been okay...for now," Jay responded. The topic appeared to be a somber one but the corner of Jay's mouth turned upwards into a smile. "Thanks for asking."
I found myself smiling back but I quickly made my face neutral again. I could feel myself loosening up which meant I was getting too comfortable with Jay again and I didn't know if that was the best idea.
"I miss seeing you smile," Jay said. "You hardly do. I know it's my fault."
"There's not much to smile about," I said.
"I want to make you smile again." Jay stroked the side of my face and before I knew it he was kissing me. I kissed back briefly but came to my senses and pulled myself away. Jay took a step back and while he had a huge smile on his face I was in a clear state of discomfort.
"That can't happen again," I said. "Jay, I'm serious."
"Okay," he said. "I'm sorry." He didn't appear the least bit apologetic. Jay playfully pulled a strand of my hair, his smile still plastered on his face. Although I hadn't wanted to kiss, this was the happiest and calmest I'd seen Jay in a while. He stared into my eyes and grabbed my hands, kissing them despite what I said just a minute ago.
I was shaking but Jay didn't seem to notice. The butterflies in my stomach were growing the longer he looked at me.
I jumped when I heard the quick sharp sound of a whistle blowing nearby. Jay and I both looked over at the source of the noise and saw his old football coach Mr. Anderson walking up towards us.
"Washington, what are you doing out here?" he asked. His eyes wavered to me. "You too Fox, students aren't allowed by the football field even during the lunch hour. There's no one to supervise this area."
I looked down in embarrassment but also controlled the urge to roll my eyes. I always hated how Mr. Anderson referred to everyone by their last name. It made me feel like I was in even more trouble than I already was.
"Sorry, Coach, we were just about to leave," Jay said in the same rehearsed charming tone he always had around adults.
"Ah, it's alright. You two just head back on campus."
I nodded, relieved it had been Mr. Anderson who'd spotted Jay and I together. If it had been another student all sorts of rumors would be spreading around. Meeting up with Jay had been risky and maybe even a dumb choice on my part. The kiss was definitely something I hadn't expected and I was afraid it had given Jay the wrong idea. My fears proved to be reasonable when Jay wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we made our way back to the school building. I shrugged his arm off and quickened my pace so that I was ahead of him.
"Amore, wait," Jay said as he caught up with me. He grabbed my arm making me stop walking.
I looked down at his hand and Jay quickly released me.
"I'm not going to tell anyone about this if you think I will," he said gently.
"Thank you," I said. "I didn't mean to kiss you, you just caught me off guard ."
"Whether you meant it or not, that kiss made me the happiest I've been in a while. I haven't been with anyone else since we've split...kissed anyone else."
The context of the conversation was shifting in a direction i didn't want it to go in. Jay just had to show that side of him no matter how subtle he tried to phrase his words.
"I could kick Darius's ass for getting with you," Jay said. "Again." He chuckled a little but I wasn't laughing. His expression got bitter. "Seriously though, it hurt my feelings seeing you with him. It hurts me to see you with anybody else."
"Jay, I really don't want to talk about this," I said.
"Just say you messed up and shouldn't have got with somebody," Jay said. He stepped closer to me, his stare never breaking from my face even though I now found myself looking away, avoiding eye contact.
"What about you messing up, Jay?" I asked. I finally looked back at him. "Me getting with someone else isn't the worst thing in the world compared to you hitting me." My voice always got lower and more unsure when I said anything to Jay that might trigger some sort of violent outburst. I knew he hated when I talked back or defended myself but I had to keep reminding him that he wasn't the perfect boyfriend. Not only to force him to have some accountability but also to see if there was any growth in his character.
" I've already apologized for that," Jay said softly. "And besides, my dad says if I get in anymore trouble with you things won't be good for me."
I bit my lip, guilt slowly rising in my stomach. If I filed a restraining order on Jay that would put him at risk of getting in trouble with his dad and I didn't want to be responsible for that. We'd both been through enough already. I also was ready to keep putting all of this behind me and it seemed like Jay was too.
"That's why I tried speaking to your dad this morning, I thought I was being respectful," Jay said. "You gotta tell him we're good now, that I don't ever want to hurt you again."
"It's not that simple," I said. "He's not just going to forget what you've put me through, he's my dad."
"What about you? You don't want to give me another chance? We can fix this together, nobody has to know."  Jay sensed my hesitation and grabbed my hand. "I know how I can prove it to you that I want to be different."
"How?" I asked curiously.
Jay smiled.
"You'll have to see me tonight then I can show you," he said.
I raised an eyebrow.
"It's not a trick," Jay said. "I'm being serious, there's something I've been meaning to do and I really think you'll change your mind."
I wish he would just tell me what he was planning and I hated that I was so curious about it. Normally when Jay was up to no good I could easily feel it in my gut, but this time my curiosity was the only feeling taking over.
Jay pulled a pen from his back pocket and grabbed my hand, writing on my palm.
"Meet me at this address around 5," he said while writing.
I looked at the address he'd written on my palm.
"Jay, what is this?" I asked. "What are you up to?"
"Just trust me," he said.