Chapter 1- Yolanda

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Sometimes if I close my eyes long enough, I can see a life where it wasn't just me and my sister against everyone else

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Sometimes if I close my eyes long enough, I can see a life where it wasn't just me and my sister against everyone else.

That's how it's been for a while since we moved to New Jersey with our grandparents. It was different from what we were used to. We had to start fresh. I couldn't even understand English well after living in India my entire life. People made fun of my clothes and the way I spoke, I get horrified when I think about it too much, because till this day it still haunts me.

"Yolanda!!!" Ava shouts from outside the bathroom door. At least that's what I think she says. I can barely hear from the water clogging my ears.
I quickly sit up in the bath, wiping water and hair out of my face. "Yeah?" I'm out of breath.
"I've been calling your name for 3 minutes. Remember, we only have one bathroom and I need to shower."

I glance at the clock on our small counter. It's loaded with toilet paper, skincare, makeup, and towels.

10:15PM. I've been in the bath for 45 minutes and still have other things to do. I hurry and snatch my towel from the rack after draining the water.
It's the 3rd time I've done this: lose track and daydream when I'm alone. Luckily it hasn't affected my school work. I don't know what or where I'll be without my good grades and reputation with my professors.

I open the door and scurry into the room. Ava's leaning against the wall and sighs when she sees me. "You can't keep doing that. I know you're used to having your own dorm, but Grandma and papa couldn't afford it any longer."
I nod, tying my long curly hair into a bun. It's grown a ton. She looks worried for me, searching my face. "You okay?" She asks.

I nod again, this time with a smile to make it more convincing. "Just trying to get clean, you know?" I say. Ava looks at me for a moment longer before turning and walking into the bathroom.

I get where she's coming from. Things have been rocky with us over the summer. We had to adapt to living with our grandparents after losing our mom and dad in a car crash late April. They were driving home to Ava and I one weekend.

I'll always be waiting for them to get back. Everything from that night is still a blur, and after it happened, it took me a while to fully process that they're gone forever.

Losing both of your parents is a feeling I can't and will never be able to explain. Not even now, when it's been 4 months. I guess my mind has frozen in time since, to keep me from feeling the pain Ava feels. She just hides it better than I do.

I write in my journal about my day and how I'm excited for fall. The weather is setting down in the mid 70s, perfect to start wearing the skirts my mom made me with her sewing machine. I remember telling her how I hated wearing them because showing my legs made me uncomfortable, now they're one of the things I'm looking forward to doing.

October is my favorite time of the year, especially since we're going to be outside a lot more, studying animals for my zoology class. Nature is the only thing that keeps me going. But other than that, nothing special or weird happened besides the fact that I ran into Mrs.Stewer, my guidance counselor from freshman year. Long story short, we're not on such good terms- at all.

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