Valerie

23 - Thomas

"Tom- what- where are you taking me?" She said, her voice filled with alarm.

"I'm taking you to the campus nurse. You collapsed, Valerie." I said calmly, not wanting to panic her anymore than I already had.

"What- no! Don't take me there!" She said, trying to scramble out of my arms but realising I was holding firmly onto her and she was too weak from whatever had caused her to pass out. 

"Why not?" I asked, "You're clearly unwell."

"Please Tom, I'll explain- just don't take me there." She looked up at me with her big brown eyes and before I knew it, we were going in a completely different direction.

"Thank you." She sighed in relief.

"You'll be explaining." I said.

"I can walk, you know." She said, frowning. At least she was slightly back to normal if she was already irritated at me.

"I'm not taking you to the nurse, the least you could do is let me carry you."

She huffed in frustration and I took that as a yes. 

I carried her all the way to the library, found some secluded couches, everyone was either in class or studying with headphones on, and set her down. 

She groaned slightly and squinted up at me. I frowned at her thin form.

"Valerie, when was the last time you ate?"

Her cheeks pinked and she looked down. "Tom, you don't have to stay here with me. I'm perfectly fine. You can go back to class. You should go back to class."

I shook my head. "I'm not leaving you. Now, when was the last time you ate?" She looked down. 

"I haven't really."

"Haven't really what?" I asked, completely confused.

"Been eating." She answered, in the smallest voice I had ever heard.

I went completely still. "When have you eaten?" I asked, trying my absolute hardest to remain calm.

"At your house."

"That's it?"

"Yes." She whispered.

I crouched down so our eyes were level but she still wasn't looking at me.

"Valerie." I said softly. "Why haven't you been eating?"

She turned to me then, her eyes were slightly glassy but I pretended not to notice. "I get anxious sometimes."

I nodded, waiting for her to go on.

"My brother, Will."

"Your oldest one?"

"Yes, that one. He and I arranged for him to come and visit me, here in New York, for the first time since I left." She took a deep breath. "But he also wanted my father to come. Who I barely spoke to, even back in London, and I didn't want to be selfish so I agreed."

I frowned. Is she afraid of her father?

"Why would that make you anxious?"

She continued. "I don't really know." She avoided my eyes. "It's probably because it's been so long. And when I say I haven't seen them since I left, it's more that I haven't seen them since I ran away."

My whole body went rigid. "You ran away?" I clarified, my tone a lot sterner than I intended.

"Yes." She nodded, giving me a strange look. She hesitated before asking, "Are you angry?" 

"No, I'm not." Although even I could hear the anger in my voice. "Do they know where you live now?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Do they have your phone number?" 

"Only my house number, so I can choose when to pick up. And they don't follow me everywhere I go."

"How often do you pick up?" A small voice in the back of my mind told me to think about why she doesn't want them contacting her, but I ignored it.

"Why are you asking all of these questions?" She said, starting to get defensive.

"How often?" I repeated.

"Maybe once every two weeks, if that. Why?"

I shook my head. "So you've pretty much cut all ties with them?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"I think they would."

She frowned at me, starting to get angry herself. "Thomas, we may be friends now, but you don't know my family, and you certainly don't get to speak for them."

"I know what it's like to be abandoned." I say, frustrated.

Her features softened. "I'm sorry to hear that, but-"

"Don't you think what you've done is selfish?" 

The library went deathly silent. 

I regretted the words as soon as they tumbled out of my mouth. I looked at Valerie and her expression nearly broke my heart. She looked at me like she had been slapped across the face. I had done that. She was looking at me like she looked at me on the first day we met, only this time it was worse. 

She took a deep breath and I could tell she was fighting tears. What had I done? I knew exactly what I had done, I was taking all of the built up resentment and anger that I had for my sister out on her.

"Valerie, I-"

"I did what I had to do." She whispered to herself, almost reassuring herself. Guilt swept through me. Why did I say that? I didn't even mean it. 

Valerie didn't make my sister leave, Valerie could have had different reasons. I paused. What were those reasons? An icy sense of dread seeped into my body.

"Why did you leave?" I asked softly.

She looked up at me, confusion marring her beautiful features. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and I knew, I just knew, that she was anxious. And I had made her like that. 

"I think I should go." She said quietly.

"No, we should talk about this. Why did you leave London, Valerie?" I had the feeling that something terrible had happened to her. And now she wasn't looking at me and I watched as she built up walls around her. Protecting her. From me. 

She stood up, tucking imaginary hair behind both her ears. I reached for her, unsure if she was steady so soon after fainting. 

"A lot of people think I'm weak. And I am, sometimes. I know that. I also know when people pity me or feel like they have to take care of me, even if they mean the best. I see it when Mable asks me to dance, I hear it in my brother's voice when he calls me." She looked directly at me. "And I see it when you look at me."

"I don't-"

"Stop. I know what happened to my mother was my fault. I have never said otherwise, and for that I am selfish. But what I did, what I had to do, running away, was not. I ran away because for once in my life, I stuck up for myself, I didn't need someone else to do it for me. That was the scariest and bravest thing I have ever done and I won't let you destroy that."

"Valerie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just- My sister-"

"Goodbye Tom." She said quietly. She picked up her bag from the couch and walked away.

I didn't follow her.

---

Bit of an emotional update xx

Tysm for nearly 70K reads!! This is amazing and I appreciate you guys sm

Word Count: 1683