Meretricious | Professor Lupin

112. It's not time to go

"Wait- how did you pay for this? Can we call Hagrid he has-"

"Don't worry about money Harry" she shook her head. "We're on vacation."

"But-"

She shook her head, "nope."

They found their gate and sat down.

"I'm going to use the bathroom before we leave" Harry said.

"Okay" she nodded.

As he walked away Spencer took out the envelope Snape gave her.

She stared at it for a few moments before opening it.

Spencer, you once said that you're not a good person... that you deserve to hurt.

I know I can't make you believe it, but maybe if you look back on these words you'll change your mind.

I promise you that there are people out there who will understand the language of your heart and what you have been through. They will show you so much patience and understanding while you heal.

I promise you that your feelings, your anxiety, and your trauma are not a burden to the ones who love vou and I promise you that you are capable of giving and receiving love despite it all.

I wish you could see just how worthy you are of good things, of genuine love, of deep connections, of happiness. I wish you could escape your mind for just one moment and see everything you deserve, because once you see it, once you feel it, you can't deny that it's real.

You are worth so much more than the way you've been made to feel in the past, and your past experiences do not define your future or your ability to be loved.

I hope you find it in yourself to open up your heart again, just a little more each day, and let a little bit of love back in. I hope that in doing so you begin to see all the things that are meant for you finding their way to you, and I hope you acknowledge that you are worthy of it all.

I need you to forgive yourself.

Forgive yourself for the ways you've hurt yourself, and the ways you've let others hurt you too.

Forgive yourself for letting people who were wrong stay too long and take too much (this is not about Lupin, so don't take it that way.)

Forgive yourself for not knowing how much love you deserved, how strong you can be, and what splendor you are.

Forgive yourself for judging your tears, your pain, your grief.

Forgive yourself for putting everyone else above you and putting yourself last.

Forgive yourself for not celebrating every form of yourself that was a stepping stone to who you are today.

Attached is a letter I made you write to your future self back when you were 15.

I love you, always,
Severus Snape

Spencer wiped the tears that flooded down her face.

She didn't know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn't that.

She took a deep breath and tried to stop crying as she brought the second piece of paper to the front.

An Incomplete List Of Reasons To Stay

• you have so much left to learn

• you deserve to heal

• you deserve your own love