Tales From A Teenage Henchman

Clowning Around

He would still enjoy seeing his poor attempts at staying in character, but still, he felt for the poor guy. Just not enough to take his place.

"Anyway, you just have to keep an eye on them. If anything weird happens, honk your nose once. When they leave, honk your nose twice. Got it?" Tommy nodded while Tim wondered how the path of villainy had led him to taking the honking of a clown's nose as a cue. "And stop sweating so much. Your makeup is getting runny."

"I sweat when I'm nervous."

Of course he does, Tim thought.

"Well then don't be nervous."

Tim doubted it was that easy for Tommy. He also doubted their whole plan. Still, it was a simple plan, and Tim liked simple plans. They tended to reduce the chances of him dying.

Granted, this time they were plotting against a superpowered woman who could crush them with a worrying amount of ease. Tim tried not to think about that too much as he followed Lina to their hiding place of choice—a shady spot under a tree next to a guy selling ice cream. They enjoyed a rare moment of peace as they watched the occasional passerby and waited for Tommy to report back to them.

"When you became a lackey, did you ever think this is what you'd end up doing with your life?" Tim asked, pausing from enjoying his ice cream. He briefly contemplated stealing a whole tub of the stuff. He was positive he could get away with it, after all, he had Lina as backup and there weren't too many people around.

"You mean using my numerous skills of villainy to spy on my boss' love life?" Tim nodded. "Can't say I saw it coming, but hey, at least we keep things interesting."

"That's not the word I would use, but sure."

"Aw, you're no fun," Lina said with a sigh. "Is this why you're heartlessly abandoning us?"

Tim couldn't help but roll his eyes at that. He hardly thought leaving the life of a henchman was heartless. At least he was getting used to everyone's attempts to guilt him into staying with them.

"I wouldn't call it abandoning. It's more like, leaving for the sake of my sanity and overall health." Lina didn't look impressed.

She probably would have argued that point—or smacked Tim upside the head—but was interrupted by a distinctly clownlike honking sound. Maybe because Tim wanted to believe that things would go well for once, he expected to hear a second honk. Of course, the world hated Tim so the sound never came. Instead, he gazed sadly down at his half finished ice cream before getting ready to follow Lina into whatever mess their simple plan had become.

Even with all the horrible possibilities that occurred to Tim every time their schemes went awry, he was still surprised at how badly things turned out. He blamed their shitty karma. Honestly, they should have known Penny going on a date and trying to be normal would end badly.

So, of course the cafe would get robbed the day Penny was there on a date. Of fucking course.

The cafe was a nice little place that had been built to look like a welcoming little cabin. It was warm and cheery and just the right brand of sickeningly cute that Penny delighted in. Tommy was lurking just far enough to not be seen even in his painfully bright clown suit. The bushes he was hiding behind probably helped. Tim and Lina joined him in his hiding spot.

"What's going on?" Lina asked, trying to get a good look at the inside of the shop. Fortunately, the shop had plenty of windows, giving them a clear look despite the bushes they were hiding in getting in the way.

"There's a guy robbing the place," Tommy said, brow furrowed and clown makeup ruined by his nervous sweating. Tim lamented all his wasted effort on the look for a second, before he realized it really wasn't the right time for that.