Touch (Chishiya X Reader)

ch 8: please, shiya

I never thought I'd hear him say he wanted to talk about this, I never thought I'd ever get the chance to talk about it, I never thought talking after a night like this would be nerve-wracking.

"O-okay, what about it?" I stuttered out a laugh, the large exhale that left his lips made my heart palpitate. He was serious.

"Do you remember what we said in the argument?"

"I don't remember word for word, but I remember it just started because I was missing you due to how much you worked late shifts at the hospital. But I understand that doctors don't really get to go home everyday at the same time like I usually got to when I was finishing my degree. I was just missing you and was just too greedy for attention during those long hours at the hospital all the way on the other side of town than you. I feel sorry-"

"Do you know why I didn't want you to work at the same hospital I worked at?" He sighed and I sat up, hugging the sheet to my bare chest. I looked at him with worry. I had tears in my eyes remembering back to him basically yelling at me and me at him over the fact I wanted to work at the same hospital because it was closer to our house and the fact I would be working with the love of my life at what we were passionate about and I would get more time with him hopefully. 

"You said it might hurt our relationship, working together might make us sick of each other due to our long days that we may work together or even just the chance of our schedules being opposites or just conflicting in bad ways." I held back my voice trembles, by the way he was ignoring eye contact and holding my hip rather tighter, I knew exactly what he was going to say.

My worst fear was about to come true.

I prayed it wouldn't, I prayed it wouldn't, I prayed it wouldn't. 

"I was with someone else... romantically." He exhaled and I finally let a tear go down my cheek. Once it hit the covers he shot his eyes to me and sat up with me. 

"I fucking knew it." I scoffed and tried to get up but his grip on my hip was almost bruising so it kept me in place long enough for him to grab my arms and turn my torso to face him. I couldn't fight him, I couldn't risk hurting him even though he just hurt me worse than any flesh wound, I still loved him so much that any pain I inflicted on him would just hurt me more. My only solution was to avoid eye contact, any eye contact would just make me stay with him without considering what he said.

"Baby, look at me." He said. "Baby, please look at me."

"No."

"Baby-"

"Do not 'baby' me." 

"Fine, then I'll just say it. It meant nothing, months before we got into the argument was when I knew I wanted to end things with her. I couldn't stop thinking of you during every minute I was with her. Don't think I didn't feel bad, because I felt so bad about everything I was doing that I would write an apology in my phone every time anything happened between us. I was just too scared to send them."

I couldn't stop the tears as I asked: "How long were you with her?"

"Since you got out of school."

Almost two fucking years.

"Saying it meant nothing yet doing it for two years is meaningless." I scoffed in disbelief.

"At least I told you, some dickheads would keep it from their girlfriends forever and then deny it!" I looked him dead in the eyes and he practically flinched at the hurt I was feeling that reflected in my eyes. 

"You cheated on me for two years when I did nothing but care for you the best I knew how. I never even thought of cheating on you, I rejected every man who asked me out, I talked to my friends for hours every week to just talk about you and how much I was in love with you, I said I loved you five months into the relationship, I let you take every first I had and now we are days away from our four year anniversary and you drop this on me. I don't know what you thought was going to happen when you told me. I will applaud you for being honest with me, I'd praise you even if you wanted, but I can not stay with a man who treated me as a fucking option."

"You were not an option, you never were! How can you say that?!" He scolded rather calmly.

"Then why, Chishiya? Tell me what I did to deserve that, please, I'd love to know."

He sighed and attempted to wipe the tears from my left cheek by releasing on of my arms so I took it as an opportunity to pry his hand off my other arm and stand up. I started to put on my shorts back on when he hurried up to slow me down. He grabbed my hands and pulled me chest-to-chest with him as I got my shorts pulled up. "I was just missing you-"

"Bullshit Chishiya, you knew I missed you probably just as much and yet you did nothing to make more time for our relationship. You decided to cheat with someone more available instead of just talking to me or talking to your boss." 

"Look, I'm so sorry Y/N. I can not express how sorry I am for what I did and the hurt you are feeling, but please just... just..."

"Just? Just do what? Stay with a man who clearly isn't in love with me the same way I loved him."

"Don't even say that I was ever not in love with you. I loved you since I saw you at the cafe almost four years ago, I knew you were the one I wanted forever and-"

"Please let me go Chishiya, I just need to get away from you right now. Nothing you say right now is affecting my want to leave this room." I cried quietly. He looked me in my eyes and saw my state: hurt, betrayal, disbelief. Chishiya ended up letting me go and backing up as I quickly picked up my bikini top and pulled it on before grabbing my small bag of toiletries and the other bathing suit then pushing past him. 

"Y/N." He called and I froze as I reached for the door. 

Say something, please just say something to make me stay. I don't know if I can live knowing you won't be mine anymore. What good is living if I didn't have you, the one person who always kept me going. So please, Shiya just say something so I can stay with you... I love you so much it hurts.

"...nothing." He sighed and I opened the door, closing it gently enough to not disturb any people around. I slowly started a jog back to my room which I entered to see my friends still playing cards.

"Y/N?" Aria called worriedly. "What happened?"

"Did Niragi touch you again? I swear to god I'll cut off his tiny dick and..." Yuki trailed off in quiet mumbles of curses.

"Did Chishiya do something?" Yuta sighed and Aria looked furious. 

"It's none of your guys business. Continue playing cards, I just need comfort noise right now... I can't be alone right now."