When It Hails...(A Raura Fanfic)

1.

1.

2 YEARS LATER...

I had never thought of a day without light. A day without hope. A day where I had nothing to do or look forward to. I used to be the star on the track team, but now, I'm just running away from myself. There was a day when I dreamed of becoming a lawyer, but now, I can't even bring myself to go to college. I used to have loads of friends, now all I have is Jake...and he's leaving for college tomorrow.

Some days, I don't even want to keep living anymore. What was the point? For a while, other people would ask me if I was okay, what was wrong...but I wouldn't tell them. I couldn't tell anyone. Why? Who would believe that the town hero had raped me? I'm Laura Marano...no one would believe me. No one.

Connor's family has everything. And by everything, I mean one thing. Money. If I had told anyone what he had done, they would have turned it back to me, they would have accused me, saying that I did something to ask for it. I don't know to be honest...maybe I did? Did I do something that made him think that I wanted to have sex with him? Every night, it replays over and over again in my head, and to me, nothing makes sense.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

Seeing the person walking through the halls of our high school, driving down my street, or worst of all, coming to the diner where I would work, had literally killed me. Almost.

I couldn't eat.

I couldn't sleep.

I didn't leave my house, only when I was forced to. I had more sick days in my junior year than I had with all my other years combined.

I was hardly living.

But the truth was, that I was scared to be alone again. I was scared that he would find another chance to do it again. The picture perfect view of the world I once had ceased to exist, and all that remained was a load of broken pieces, that could never be glued back together.

When Connor had left for college that year, I had taken my first breath in a year. I started to hang out with Jake again, and slowly, I had started to put on some of the huge amounts of weight I had lost.

I'm still living in that moment two years ago, however. I don't know how to move forward. I desperately want to, to move on with my life, but I am completely and utterly clueless as to how I should do that. How am I supposed to move forward with my life? Does everyone expect me to pretend that everything is okay, when it clearly isn't?

I just like to be alone. In my room. Listening to music. And just staring at the ceiling. In less than a minute, I could show you every crack, bump or stain there was. I've spent more time staring at all of them than actually sleeping. I don't like to sleep anymore, cause when I do, I can't control where my mind takes me, and the nightmares are always the same and never ending. I have flashbacks which force me to remember than night, just like the force Connor used with me that night. I want to let go of them. Of the nightmares. Of everything. But they won't let go of me, and sadly, I can't make them.

If there's one thing I hate the most, it's when people ask if I'm okay. When people ask me what's wrong, or if there's anything they can do to make me feel better. No one can fix me. That's the truth I accepted two years ago, and its high time everyone else did too. I wish they would stop trying.

My mom is something completely different. She probably knows that something is wrong; mothers kind of realise that with their kids. But the thing is, she's hardly ever home to know the truth. And I can't blame her. To survive she has to work two different jobs each day; she's going through all of this to take care of me just like she has been for the last nineteen years of my life..all by herself.