She couldn't let her mind rationalise into falling for her rapist simply because he wasn't as much of a monster to her as he could be.
She couldn't. Wouldn't.
Wouldn't.
Wouldn't.
She could bear being betrayed by her body. She wouldn't let herself be betrayed by her mind.
She'd rather break it.
She had to get out of the manor.
She pressed her hand against the cold window and stared despairingly across the moonlit estate.
Then she drew her head back, and smashed it into the glass as hard as she could.
The unbreakable pane didn't break. Couldn't give.
She drove her head into it again.
And again.
And again.
There was blood streaming into her eyes, but she kept going.
Again.
And again.
An arm closed around her waist, and a hand clamped over both wrists as she was dragged away from the glass.
She fought. Trying to pull her hands free. Digging her toes into the grain of the wood-floor to push herself back.
Sobbing.
"Granger. Don't-don't." Malfoy's voice was close to her ear.
She pulled futilely to free herself as she sobbed and sobbed.
She was so tired of being hurt and alone. She wanted to be done. If she kept existing in that house she was going to try to find solace. Anything but being cold and alone forever and ever.
She wanted to be touched. She wanted to feel safe, even if it was simply an illusion. She wanted it-
But she couldn't.
She wouldn't betray everyone like that. Harry. Ron. Minerva. Ginny...
She wouldn't betray herself like that.
"I can't-can't-" She sobbed, trying to break free again.
"Don't hurt yourself. Granger, that's a command. Do not hurt yourself." Malfoy growled the order as he pulled her further from the window.
She kept struggling.
"Stop."
The order was snarled.
"Stop trying to physically injure yourself." His voice was shaking.
She felt the manacles around her wrists grow hot as he invoked them, and she struggled against the magic.
"No-!" She sobbed as she felt the magic grow until it almost smothered her mind and her body went limp.
She slumped against Malfoy. He released her wrists and wrapped his arm tightly across her shoulders, as though he expected her to suddenly fling herself against the window again.
She just stayed there, shuddering and quietly sobbing in his arms. There was blood sliding down her face and dripping from her lips and chin onto the floor.
"So-" he said in a tense voice after a few minutes. "You found a way around the manacles, I see."
As she hung against him she realised dully that she had.
The compulsions existed in her mind. The order was not to hurt herself, but didn't specify any difference between psychological and physical harm. So-in a state of sufficient mental agony-she had been able to bypass it. She was hurting either way; she couldn't stop her mind from hurting her. The compulsion had been nullified.
Chapter 24
Start from the beginning
