Nothing But Bones

44: Cry To Hell

"How affiliated with the Order of the Way Through are you?"

"I mean, my dear, come on.." He clicks his tongue, head shaking again.

"Do you really think I don't know about that little group of rich boys playing at magic? Sure, their roots go back. Way back. But now? It's a magical Masonic Order."

Tiff nods like she gets it. "Just like the Mormons."

Boris raises an eyebrow at Tiff. "The Mormons are magical? Huh."

"No, no— Masonic. The Salt Lake temple is covered in symbols. It was a dumb joke, but you'll have to forgive me. I have no blood in my body."

He nods. "Yes. That's what this was all about—originally, anyway,. Isn't that what guys like me always want? Scary sorcerers looking for eternal life? Yes. Cliche, but I was close. So close. Well, we were close. If I could have only harnessed your life force. Oh, what could have been, Tiffany May. What we could have accomplished. Now look at me. Dickless, drained of magic. Yep. That stunt at the hotel was all I had left. So! When do we do this whole death thing?"

She rolls her eyes, alarm bells in the back of her head pealing over the sound of some Bikini Kill deep pull. "Let's try it again with the whole truth this time."

Boris sighs. "You're too good. While it's true that I am tapped out for magic. There's really a good reason for that. And I don't believe I am going to tell you."

She faux-pouts. "Come on, Borrie! I'll tell you something juicy if you'll tell me."

He laughs and puts his arms behind his head like he's simply lounging and chatting with an old friend. "Juicy? Wow. I'll tell you what, I've got nothing to lose now. For one, I set the house on fire. Secondly, I cursed myself. Yep. I'm going to die soon. That took all I had left in me. Your Black Robe bosses aren't going to have the satisfaction of even having my body. Now it's your turn."

There goes her hopes about research. It's hard to care when your heart has stopped beating. "You cursed yourself?"

Boris smirks. "I did. Remember how I told you I was a natural conduit for the Other Beings? I made a bargain. They get to claim me. I will become one of them. How fun for me!"

Incapable of mustering up a single emotion, she just looks at him. "Get out of the car."

He raises an eyebrow at Tiff. "What? Don't want to see me get sucked into another realm? I'll make a show of it! I'll go kicking and screaming. Oooh, you could even make a TikTok out of it."

"I don't care. I don't use TikTok. Get out of the car."

"No."

"Get out of the car or I'll bite your nose off."

Boris crosses his arms like a petulant child. "Nope."

That settles it, then. Tiff unbuckles herself, puts one knee on the middle console by way of turning, and puts her face close to his. She misses, slips, and smacks her cheek on the window instead. This would be so embarrassing if she were capable of that right now.

She props herself up on one elbow, laying across both him and a very upset Kepler. "That was a warning."

Laughing hysterically at Tiff's blunder, Boris slaps his knee. "You know what? Sure. Why not? If I didn't know I couldn't kill you, I'd have tried to break your neck just now, by the way. Anyway, could you get off so I can get out?"

She opens the door and topples out first so she can go get back in the car and be normal. There's no real point to belaboring any of it.

Boris carefully got out of the car and took a deep breath. "The Canadian wilderness truly is a splendid place. So fresh, so clean! Before we do anything wild like strangling me with my own intestines or whatever wild thing you've got cooked up, I'd like to give you a gift. Well, more of a trade secret."