"Are you out of practice?" Frostwind asked with mock concern. Not that she approved of mocking, but to aggravate him and watch that expression? Oh, completely worth it. Anyway, talking made fighting harder and she was always up for the challenge. She soon realized that even Mousestar's desperate attacks were following a predictable sequence. Still, she refused to let her guard down, not moving instinctively to block him each time. That would be her eventual downfall when he finally mixed up the sequence. The fact that he could play out the sequence, though... that was worrying. It meant that despite the increasing worry on his face, he still had a level of calm inside of him, allowing him to do it.

"I'm not out of practice," he said, his voice lucid and calm. "No, no, not at all. Don't you think you're, maybe, underestimating me?"

Frostwind smiled wickedly. "If you think I am, try your luck."

"Oh no. Underestimating my fighting skills is one thing. What do you think I've been doing, all this while?" Mousestar asked softly. He stopped fighting and, shocked, she stopped too, facing him with confusion rather than anger.

"What are you playing at?" she demanded.

"Look around you. What do you see?"

Frostwind followed his orders despite hating him completely and finally realized the mistake she had made. By drawing out their fight, she had basically refused her Clanmates' pleas for help. Their dead bodies were strewn across the field, staining the green grass to red, making it look like a field of roses and yet the impact of moving across them were the thorns digging into flesh. She faced Mousestar, the shock frozen on her face. Only Stonestar was alive, and he was staggering around, pale and losing an increasing amount of blood. He looked weak, and the fact that he was still alive proved that he had lost some lives before this. Turtleleaf was still fighting him, her fighting style exactly enough to counter his own. Terror rose into a scream, and Frostwind couldn't quite remember what happened next.

She was screaming was all she remembered. Cursing herself but cursing them too, and after screaming herself hoarse, she looked around and saw more dead bodies lying on the grass. Mousestar staggered weakly to his feet, his body covered in not his own blood but hers and his Clanmates'.

"What have you done?" he snarled, his voice ragged. "Do you know how much effort I spent putting this Clan together? All those unwilling rogues I've been persuading slowly! And now they all died. How could ever fix my Clan again, Frostwind? Explain yourself! You killer, you murderer, you destroyer of lives..."

"Do you sound like you're saying something stupid? Because those all mean the same things," Frostwind said coldly. She spoke with deep confidence but on the inside she was shattered. She had broken the promise she had made to Skyfeather not to kill too many. She'd thought she was keeping it while she fought Mousestar but really nothing had ever changed. Stonestar was lying on the ground further down, and he looked weak but alive. Turtleleaf was nowhere to be seen. She wasn't dead either. It was... what was going on?

"You destroyed my Clan!" Mousestar snarled, his voice hollow but furious. "You broke everything I worked so hard to remake. What have you done, you monster?!"

MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.MONSTER. MONSTER. MONSTER.

The words echoed, over and over in her head. She was a monster. She didn't deserve kindness, how many lives had she killed? She'd killed at least all of those rogues in the clearing, she'd basically gotten her Clanmates killed. She'd gotten her own Clan leader killed multiple times too. She really was a monster, wasn't she? She was the very thing Skyfeather feared and she loved him while he couldn't trust her. The love was mutual but the trust was one-sided and suddenly, she couldn't blame him. Who would trust her? She was a broken mess, a bloody killer and nobody would ever understand her.

"I'll leave you alive," she choked, moving backwards.

"What would you do that for?!" Mousestar snarled. "At least give me the same bloody fate you gave my Clanmates! AutumnClan is destroyed. You think I can ever fix that, do you? Do you ever think before you do anything?!"

"Of course I think," Frostwind snarled. "I just don't think it through. And you're right, what's one death compared to so many?"

But she couldn't kill him. She stood rooted to the ground, refusing to admit she was the monster he called her. She was something more than that, she just knew it! But all she could hear was that word, the word that would tear her apart from the inside, shredding her heart and her sanity. Something nothing would ever fix and she would die with it. She just wanted to die. But then StarClan wouldn't take her, she'd go to the Dark Forest. What StarClan cat killed as much as she did? She sank to the ground.

"Kill me," she croaked. 

She was completely at Mousestar's mercy.

She closed her eyes and awaited the finishing claw. Her eyes screwed tightly shut, her breathing ragged, she waited patiently.

It never came.

She opened her eyes, barely daring to do so and stared into the fierce eyes of Stonestar.

"You did well, my bodyguard," he said quietly. "But you must learn to finish the job. Our Clanmates are not all dead. Amberfrost and Ashspots made it but that's all. I'll carry Ashspots, you take Amberfrost. Don't drop her she's in a fragile state. And I want you acting as temporary deputy."

"No."

"No?" His eyebrows lifted. "I won't hear a no from you. That was an order."

"You can refuse that post," Frostwind choked. "I'm not ready for it. I just got an apprentice and I'm training her well. I can't take on an additional post. In fact, could you assign someone to take over my apprentice and Skyfeather's duties for a short while, please? I think I need him right now."

Stonestar gave her a stony stare. "You think I'm so powerful that I can strip you of your duties, do you?"

"You are. You're Clan leader. Anything in the Clan is within your power. I've done so much for you. I broke myself for you. The reason I'm in this state at all is because of you. What's one small favor in return for all I've sacrificed for you?"

"It's not a small favor," he said grumpily. "But fine. Only because I kind of like you. You're a stupid bodyguard with no brains but all brawns, but I can work with that."

"And you're any better, are you?" Frostwind challenged.

His eyes fired up. "I'M MUCH, MUCH BETTER! WHO DO YOU THINK SAVED YOU FROM MOUSESTAR, SOME GHOST? WHO'S HELD THE CLAN TOGETHER ALL THESE MOONS AFTER SUNSTAR'S DEATH? WHO'S THE ONE WORKING ON UNITING SEASONCLAN AGAIN? WHO'S HANDLING ALL THE BIG PROBLEMS AND WHO'S TRYING TO KEEP HIS BODYGUARD SANE SO SHE CAN DO HER STUPID MOUSE-BRAINED JOB? WHO'S DOING EVERYTHING? ME! AND YOU'RE AN INGRATE, AREN'T YOU!"

Frostwind stood unfazed. "Do you think it looks to me like you're doing anything?"

"It should!" he fired back.

"No, it really doesn't. It looks to me like you're a pretty mouse-brained kittypet who turned up and coincidentally became Clan leader through a mixture of luck and bad choice on Sunstar's part. So if you want me to take you and your so-called efforts seriously, the answer is no."

Word count: 2000

Chapter Eighteen was a quarter written when I started writing today but wow, I'm surprised with my progress. Two chapters in a day? To all you happy readers of Froststar's Destiny, good for you. :) Have a nice day, thanks for reading! You all rock!

~ Frostwind88

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