The Conversation

"Hey", a familiar voice can be heard from behind her. She wasn't aware of his presence before he said something.

"Oh, hey, how long have you been standing there?" asking him, to make sure he didn't read the diary she was writing on a second ago.

"Not too long. Don't worry, I couldn't see what you were writing, your handwriting is too fade on the page for me to read" he said, making his way to sit opposite her.

"So, how are you?" he starts the conversation.

"Holding on" she replies.

"May I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, why not" She gives him the permission to ask, despite the non-necessity for him to do so.

"Do you love me?" For a few seconds, awkwardness fills the air.

"You're kidding me right? Why do you ask such question?" This is an attempt for her to seem relax, even when her heart is in rage.

He sighs before he starts his sentence; "After what it seemed like eternity for me, my feelings for you still haven't faded. How long has it been? 5 years right.. What have you done to me Izzie..I can't seem to forget about you..even when I was with someone else.."

Izzie just keeps her mouth shut, unable to answer. True, it has been five years, they've been friends, too close to be called friends though. She didn't do anything harmful. It wasn't her fault, she stayed faithful, she waited for him despite the rare contact she had with him, even when he didn't declare any relationship between them. He ignored her. She bled, held on to the nothingness that world could offer. She moved on. But now he's back, he's back with a new attitude, a new hope that he wants to give her.

"Do you have someone else in your mind and heart right now?" he asked.

The voices of people around at the café, becomes the company for the two of them.

 "Izzie..."

Izzie sighs. She can't handle this kind of situation. She looks around, to avoid his penetrating eyes.

"I told my mum, I want to get married. I have a choice of my own. It is you of course"

She looks at him with disbelief. However, he didn't see her, as his eyes are at the car keys that he is playing with his bony hands, he continues;

"If my fate is with you, then I'd be the happiest man. Otherwise, I'd just let my mother find a wife for me, she could find it for me. So it is either you, or my mother's choice.."

Likewise, nothing comes out of her little lips, just a small sigh.

"I'll stay faithful to you from now on. I just could pray that you'd be the one. If not, then I have to be redha with it. For sure, I want to find Allah's redha first.. Would you wait for me, if I ask you to?" He continued with his constant vigilance.

"Please don't just keep quiet.. it's killing me.. say something.. please Izzie.. or you have someone else?"

She shot a glance at his face, his eyes look doubtful now.

"Aris.."

That's the only word that could come out, his name. She wants to tell him, how she doesn't want to give any hope and dreams to this guy. But she just can't bear of seeing him hurt. She wants to tell him, she can't stay with him, she can't stay hopeful with him, and she's not the same girl he used to know. How could she explain all of these to him?

"Izzie, just say whatever is in your mind. We've been friends for such a long time. I know you. You have a lot in your mind, just spit it out. I am ready, to hear whatever you have to say. Please Izzie" he begs her, tries to find sympathy that's left in her.

"Listen, I.. I don't know what to say or how to react. I am confused myself.. I have a feeling for someone else, but, I don't know if our feeling are mutual, or is it just me."

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out of it, no words, no voice. She can see the hurt in his eyes and expression.

"I see. So, who's the lucky guy then?" he tries to sound casual.

"You don't even know him. I think"

"Well, I guess I am too late huh? Even when we are childhood friends?" he gave out a made-up laugh, trying to hide the heartbreak he is having. She feels helpless, but she didn't reply to his questions, she knows he doesn't want an answer. She let it becomes rhetorical questions instead.

"You're not taken yet, not fully. It is up to you to choose. Either him or me, you know that right? You're not tied to anyone right now. You can choose Izzie. Don't stress yourself too much" he comforts her, knowing that she feels stressed out with the situation they're currently having.

"If ever one day, you found out that the feelings of you and him aren't mutual, would you let me know? Please? Let me become the first person to know. Please, Izzie?" she sees the shine of hope in his eyes.

"Okay..." she said, in between of feeling guilty and relief at the same time.

 "Till then, take care of yourself dear one" he left with his car keys, immediately drive away, to where, she has no idea. She hopes he'll be fine, soon. She hopes, she doesn't have to contact him anymore. She hopes the best for him, for her, for the person she has feelings with. How complicated.

When will she find the definite answer? She'd never know. For now, she just wait, and let her heart hurt, in between of waiting someone, and be waited on.