This chapter is for @Athennnaaai for the idea of this chapter, Thank you so much!
Ups! Gambar ini tidak mengikuti Pedoman Konten kami. Untuk melanjutkan publikasi, hapuslah gambar ini atau unggah gambar lain.
Panic attack, assault and abuse warning!
Natasha's point of view
After the last clip and a little persuasion and maybe a little threating I managed to convince 764a to give us a break.
I ran to the bathroom and locked the door because I knew Yelena would come after me which is what makes her amazing but right now I wish she wasn't so good to me.
I lean on the door as I feel my body shaking rapidly, my vision becomes blurry as a waterfall covers my eyes, my whole body feels like its caving on its self and I can't breath like I'm drown but I'm not underwater.
I hold my arms tightly begging my body not to break. "Нет, пожалуйста, нет," I beg "Как ты вообще собирался сделать это в мире, если ты слаб и эмоционален?" I repeat the words Ive been told my whole life. (No please no, How you ever supposed to make it in the world if your weak and emotional)
I HATE how they still work. I HATE that no matter how hard I try they still control me. I HATE that I'm still a pawn and I HATE how everyone will only ever see me as a monster.
I close my eyes as I try to sollow the tears as they beg for reslise but I can't lose, I never lose I always get it done.
I walk over to the sink arching over it my hands on each side of the basen as my legs have already failed me. I look up at the mirror and I see a girl probably in her late teenage years, her hair is a urban red colour like blood as its tied up in tight braids that frame her flat and empty face and her eyes...
Her eyes are like the ones I see everyday but these ones are filled with fear, guilt, pain and have lost their light anyform of hope clearly left them ages ago. But there covered with a flat emtionless shield. Natalia. Shes me and that will never change.
I see why all the people out there the people I wanted to be my family see me as a monster a M-O-N-S-T-E-R Natasha and Natalia will alway be one in the same no matter much I try to hide her Natalia will always be there to show me that no one will ever love me and that I will never have a place in the world.
I see a familiar face walk up to my reflection I jolt turning around she's not here but she's smiling from the mirror. Madame B. "See no matter what I will all ways have you around my little finger Natalia" she says a knife to Natalia's- my throat. "Say it with me widow 'I have no place in the world or anyones elses I'm worseless'" She orders.
I'm about to say it back when a image of Yelena smiling from when I said I liked her vest pops into my head she's my world. When I don't answer so Madame B pushes the knife closer to my throat and I swear I can feel it. "Say it" my former instructor orders. I grab out the photo strip from Yelena's vest my hands shaking as I look at Yelena face.
