Invisible String

the string climbs mountains

(Aabha)

When he called me and said,
"She's no more there",
I swear I felt the world shift,
and then it hit so hard it hurt,
that was the pain, it was the worst.
I just pretend it is,
not so real.

I still remember the last words,
I said to you.
I asked you to calm down,
said, "It'll get better."
"It'll get better soon."
Wish it were true.

The rush of desperation,
in all of my prayers.
I prayed to every God of,
every religion possible.
Begged him to bring you back down here.
But then I realise,
you're never coming here again,
no matter how hard I try,
no matter how hard I cry.

I still remember the last words,
I said to you.
I asked you to calm down,
said, "It'll get better."
"It'll get better soon."
Wish it were true.

And I'm mad at you for,
leaving me like this.
So hard to the moon and the dead stars,
I've constantly wept.

I asked you to calm down,
said, "It'll get better."
"It'll get better soon."
Wish it were true.

3 weeks later...

12 May 2023

(Maanav)

Maanav: So, should I invite her too?
Aahan: Yeah, go ahead.
Maanav: I'm not sure though. We haven't talked for weeks. She almost completely disappeared from social media.
Aahan: I think you should just text her straight up and ask her about it. Maybe she had a reason for disappearing like that.
Maanav: Yeah. I'll do that. Talk to you later. Cooking for mom.
Aahan: Sure. Ttyl.

I poured the spattering tempered spices over the sambar and placed the idlis on a plate. She had been a little sick for the last two days. So, I thought of cooking instead of ordering from a restaurant.
'Here." I placed her plate on the nightstand and helped her sit up straight, "How are you feeling now?"
"You didn't have to do all this. We could've just ordered khichdi." She said feebly.
"Ordering from outside every day is a waste of money, mom. Besides, I love cooking. Bonus if it's for you." I smiled and handed her the plate.
"Do you want me to feed you or are you okay eating by yourself?" I asked her.
"I'm okay. Thank you, Maanav." She smiled and started eating.
I left the room, got my phone from the kitchen and lied down on the couch.

Maanav: Heyy!

I sent Aabha a text.
We hadn't been in touch for a long time. She'd usually post Instagram stories once or twice a week. But she had posted none in the past three weeks. She had just vanished completely.
For the next couple ten minutes, my mind just came up with things that might be the reason why she was not active on the social media. Or not texting me. Has she ghosted me?
Her reply didn't come, so I decided to take a nap for a while. I wasn't hungry that much. I went in my mom's room to check on her. She had finished her food and was sound asleep.
I set an alarm for an hour, shut my eyes and dozed off.

13 May 2023

(Aabha)

"I just, feel really guilty, you know. I feel so guilty when I'm happy or enjoying something. It feels that I'm supposed to be sad and should be constantly thinking about her not being here. And it feels awful." I said.
"It's okay to be happy. You did the moping and grieving due to the loss of someone. You've also accepted the fact that she's no more. Now the next stage is healing and moving on. That's what you're doing. That's what your grandmother would want you to do." Yahvi said.
Megha and Yahvi had come with their parents to pay my mom a visit and to check up on her.
I was so glad they were here. I had disappeared from everywhere ever since Aaji passed away. Finding comfort in the solitude of my room. Isolation was my coping mechanism. I know, it didn't seem healthy at all, but it worked for me. I'd always feel better after that.
I barely even texted the girls since the past three weeks. I only talked to Eesha, since she was the only one who knew the loss like I had known it.
But I thought it was time to move on. Yahvi was right. Aaji wouldn't want me to shut everything off like this.
"I think we should go out somewhere. The three of us. I want you out of this room by the end of this month and fully moved on. If you don't move on, that's still fine. But I want you to at least try to get yourself together." Megha stated firmly.
"Megha, I-?" I shrugged.
"DO NOT 'Megha' ME! You're coming." She scolded.
"Can't we just go back to talking about how sad I am?" I gave off an awkward smile.
Both just kept staring at me dead into my eyes.
"Okay fine. We'll go." I said, agreeing with them finally.
"Good girl." Yahvi said.
"Megha, Yahvi, come on. It's time to leave." Megha's mother came in, "How are you doing dear?"
"I'm okay. It's hard, but I'm doing okay." I smiled at her.
"Please feel free to ask us if you need anything." She tucked my hair behind my ear as I nodded.
Oh, to have best friends whose families considered you as their child.
"Please check your phone. You haven't responded to my messages since the past three days. Enough with the isolation." Megha said as I walked them out to the drawing room.
"Yeah, I haven't really checked any messages for days. Too exhausted to respond." I said.
We hugged each other goodbye and they went off.
"Can we order takeout? I'm too tired to cook right now and it's already ten." Mom said as she rested on the sofa and switched on the television.
"Sure. No problem." Dad said and went to his room to call up a restaurant.
I went to my room.
It took me so long to realise that it was a mess.
Crumpled balls of paper full of failed attempts of unfinished songs, unwashed clothes piling up on the chair and books scattered all over my study table. Even my bed sheet wasn't made.
I never lived this messily. At least my bed would be made and the thrash wouldn't be scattered all over my room.
This is it. This is where I have to start.
I put on my headphones and played Conan Gray slow songs and cleaned my room for the next twenty minutes.
Living in a clean space made me feel much better. I sprayed some room freshener and then took out my phone.
There were so many messages and missed calls from friends and family.
But the topmost message was from... Maanav.