Warning: A couple ships, a bit of violence [maybe], and swearing
Tree: Hey, are you okay?
Pie: Yeah.
Tree: You don't look okay...
Pie: Then stop looking.
Pillow: Hi, who's this? Tree changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.
Pie: What's mine?
Pillow: Dwarf.
Pie: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!
Pillow: Oh, hey Pie.
Pie: FUCK!
Pie: What are you planning to do?
Pillow: Hey, now. "Planning"?! Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!
Pie: You're just jealous. All my friends tell me I remind them of Pen.
The Squad: *screaming*
Liy: They look like Pen? Are you out of your fucking MIND?
Pillow: Pen, sweetie, I am SO sorry. I am SO SORRY that an ugly-ass bitch like this would even say that. Oh my god.
Liy: Pen? Pen? Pen? You know who you fucking look like? You fucking look like Tree!
Liy: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY)
Pie: What's that?
Liy: Remorse code.
Pie: I'm even angrier now.
Tree: Hey, Pie?
Pie, playing a video game with the squad: What?
Tree: Can I share something with you from earlier today?
Pie: Wh- what is it, Tree?
Tree: Well, I sent you a text early in the morning.
Pie: Mhm.
Tree: Because I have to go out of town for a weekend this month. And, so I was like- I won't give specific dates, but I was like, do you have any preference whether I go this weekend or the next weekend?
Pie: Yeah?
Tree: Your response.
Pie: *trying not to crack up*
Tree: At 9:30 in the morning.
Tree: "motherfucking Jesse Eisenberg jesus Christ motherfucking Facebook movie jesus can you believe this shit"
Pie: *laughing*
Tree: No- no- no punctuation. Random capitalization.
Pie: You just made me dieeee...
Tree: So I respond, "I have no idea what we're talking about right now."
Tree: 45 minutes pass. I get a text from you.
Tree: "goddamn created Facebook and fucking lawyers and shit right fucking winklevoss twins goddamn rowing the boat fuck yo shit i cant even fucking believe this shit have you seen this shit fuck I just watched this shit fuck Jesse eisenberg man"
Pie: *wheezing with laughter*
Tree: I respond "Pie, you're scaring me." An hour passes-
Tree: You respond, "motherfucking spiderman Spiderman you put in the time fuck put in the time motherfucking built shit with his bare hands fucking best friend shit jesse eisenberg"
Tree: "im very tired"
Pie: *struggling to breathe*
Tree: And- and I'm just like, "No- no worries, Pie, I'll- I'll do most of the talking at the hangout today-"
Tree: IMMEDIATE, like, response, like I'm talking 5 seconds later,
Tree: "no man ill just talk all day shit man you have to be so interested in the shit I have to say about the Facebook movie fuck dude I just watched it a year and a half ago fuck Jesse Eisenberg man he fucked over Spider-man crazy Winklevoss twins rowing Trent Resin or did the soundtrack fuck this guy who invented Facebook I don't like dying I can't think of who the fuck invented Facebook All I can think is who played the guy who invented Facebook who the fuck invented Facebook"
Tree: And then, in all capital letters, two hours later,
Pie: *falling over with laughter*
Tree: "MARK ZUCKERBERG."
Bottle: Pillow, you’re offered 500,000 dollars, but, if you accept it, the person you hate the most in the world gets 1,000,000 dollars. Would you take it?
Pillow: Of course! I mean, why wouldn’t I want 1,500,000 dollars?
Liy: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer.
Pie:
Liy:
Pie: ...Please, go back to bed.
Liy: PEASANT. I REQUIRE SUSTENANCE.
Pillow: You know there are other ways to say you want McDonalds.
Liy: FOUL PLEBEIAN. YOU DARE SPEAK AGAINST ME—
Pillow: *sigh* What do you want?
Liy: Chicken nuggets please.
Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.
Black-Hole, with Pillow and Bottle behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!
Police: Yes…three.
Black-Hole: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?
Police: Wha-
Black-Hole: Pie, Pen, Tree and Liy FUCKING FELL OFF!
