Jezebel |h.s|

Thirty Five

"Did your parents leave anything to you after they passed?"

I nod. "There was a trust put in place. I wasn't allowed to gain access to the money until I was twenty one, though. I wanted my own money for alcohol and drugs, so I started stripping. Everything I was making was going back to dealers. I didn't find out until later that Chris was never getting fucked up. He would pretend he was at the same level I was, but he wasn't. He just wanted me vulnerable because as long as I was vulnerable, he had control over me. He was my family. I liked letting him take care of me. I liked not having to think about anything but the next drink or the next line."

That's why I let my addiction get so bad. It was the only time I wasn't reliving the crash or feeling guilty that I survived and my parents didn't. Chris didn't ask any questions, but he also was there for me when I would break down to him.

"I think I would've ended up addicted no matter what. Whether it was Chris or some other shady guy that wanted to take advantage of me. Sometimes I think Christian really did care at first. That he loved me and we had something real. I think when I started working in the clubs and Jezebel became a thing , that's when he changed."

"But you got sober, Bellie. And even then, it's understandable how you ended up where you did. None of that is your fault."

I shrug, "I could've gotten help. I pushed away my friends. I stopped dancing."

"You lost your parents. You were there when the accident happened. That's a big deal, Isabella. You were too young and you were reacting. Christian is the one who took advantage of you. He knew your age and still took advantage knowing very well that what he was doing was illegal. He should be in prison for what he did to you."

Deep down, I know he's right. I couldn't imagine dating a nineteen year old right now, and I was even younger than that when we first met. Still, I carry this guilt with me that this was all my fault. Like Chris did nothing wrong.

"Kat and my childhood friend Maude held like an intervention for me when things were getting really bad. I almost overdosed and they found out that Chris just let me ride it out instead of getting me medical attention. He was too scared he would get questioned and arrested since he brought the drugs. They begged me to get clean for about a year before I finally went to rehab. It was so fucking hard, but I did it. I got clean, I moved out of Chris' place, and Brynn and I got the apartment. But even after I got sober, I thought that Chris and I could make it work. I loved him. He was my family."

Harry just listens, knowing I need to just get it all off my chest. "I never told anyone this..." I hesitate, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. "Chris hated the club I was working at. He was jealous of the owner and the guys that would come. They would touch me in ways that they shouldn't have but nobody would do or say anything to stop them. He told me he wanted to build his own club just for me. So he could protect me. The only problem was that he didn't have the funds."

He can already see where this is going, shaking his head with his eyes closed.

"I was still fucked up when I got my trust. My parents had so much saved up and suddenly it was all mine. He convinced me that it was my idea to give him access to the money. He fed me lies that the club was mine and after a few years we'd recoup the money spent. Once I got sober I felt so ashamed that I let him take the money my parents left for me, but it was too late. He was already working on Afterlife and because I was in rehab, he put everything in his name."

"I'll get you lawyers, we can fight this."

"There's nothing we can do, H. There was nothing written down and I wasn't sober. They'll just say I made it all up."

"We'll get him on something else, then. Him being predator, him assaulting you. Anything."

I rest my cheek against his chest, playing with his fingers in my lap. "I don't know, H. I feel like just moving on and putting this all in my past. I can't afford the years of litigation that comes with everything. Maude tried to convince me to take legal action against him when I first got sober, her family are like all super high profile lawyers, but I can't afford it and at the end of the day they probably won't even take me seriously because of my addiction."

"I can afford them. I can afford the best of the best. I can afford the years of litigation. Just say the word and it's yours. Anything you need to get justice, Isabella."

"I can't let you do that, H. It's too much."

He tilts my chin up to look at him, his eyes so soft and earnest. "I want to help you. You have been through more than most people could ever imagine and you're here and you're breathing and you're trying to do better. You're sober. You're breathtakingly beautiful. I want to help you because you deserve to be free of this burden. You shouldn't be scared to open your own front door."

I sigh, looking down at our hands as I twirl his rings around his fingers. "I don't know..."

He kisses my forehead, putting his cheek over the spot he kissed. "Think about it. The offer will always be there." He sighs, letting me do whatever I want. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that, Bellie. You deserved so much better. I'm sorry so many people failed you."

I shrug. "It built character." I joke, trying to lighten the mood again. Glancing up to him, I try to crack a smile to show him that I'll be okay. "I'm sorry I ruined tonight."

"You didn't ruin anything. Like I said before, I like seeing more pieces of you."

"Well you got a lot of fucked up pieces tonight, that's for sure."

I can feel his smile against my forehead. "I like those the most. All those fucked up pieces made you the woman you are today. You might not see it yet, but you're stronger because of them. And I'm really glad that Ottilie has a woman like you in her life that she can look up to."

"Thank you, H." I whisper, my heart fluttering in my chest. Tilting my head up toward him, I kiss him. He's delicate with me, but at the same time, this kiss feels more intense than any other we've shared.

I know I'm too deep into this. We've let our guard down with each other, broken so many rules we made to protect ourselves. I don't know how he got through the thick walls I had built around myself, but he did.

We talk for another hour about Chris and how I finally left him. At the end of the day, I'm glad that I can say that I ended things with Christian. I saw how toxic it was and I fought hard to get out of it. Harry believed in me, Kat believed in me, and I just needed to believe in myself. 

He carries me to the bedroom, Rory following along curiously at his feet. Tomorrow I have to be up somewhat early for work, so Harry promises to wake me up if I need the extra push. As I get comfortable in bed, he goes to check on Ottie one more time.

Rory jumps up into his bed, getting cozy next to me. I give her plenty of pets and kisses as we wait for Harry to come back. When he enters the room again, he watches us from the doorway with a small smile.

When he climbs into bed and gets under the covers, I cuddle right into his side. He holds me tight to him, kissing my cheek gently.

"Sleep, love. I'll be here to keep you safe from all the monsters and bad dreams."

✧✧✧

we finally all know bellie's story. my sweet girl has been through hell and back but is still here fighting.

gab